


The Bluff

by thisisashittyusername



Series: The Elibarra HS AUs! (na medyo OOC, ayan na 'yung warning.) [1]
Category: Noli Me Tangere & Related Works - José Rizal
Genre: F/M, High School AU, M/M, Modern AU, No Sex, beng beng, but can we make that canon please, cause its funny, cause theyre twins, elias elisa twin game strong, elibarra is love elibarra is life, gomenasai, hahaha sorry people no sex e, im sorry, im sorry i unconsciously named elias' twin elisa, k+12 tho, suporta ng guro ko ang elibarra whats up, that actually came from bukkunkun's fanfics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-03-15 15:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3451880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisashittyusername/pseuds/thisisashittyusername
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ibarra wants to get closer to Maria Clara, so as a precaution to her friends' teasing, he says he's involved. With Elias. </p><p>A lot of trouble and Pringles ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bluff

For the longest time, Crisostomo Ibarra’s been in love with Maria Clara.

They had some sort of fling a few years back in Grade 6, and even if things got blurred and confusing Ibarra was almost certain he was still in love with her.

 

With her smile, her laugh, her sincerity.

 

Unfortunately, Maria Clara was currently involved with someone.

 

A shy sophomore named… Alfonso Linares, was it?

Whatever.

 

A lot of people who still supported Ibarra and Maria Clara’s relationship told him however that the kid looked stupid. And as much as he was a pacifist, he couldn’t help but agree wholeheartedly whenever they’d see them together.

 

_Tss. Foolish sophomore. I would do anything to be with Maria Clara again._

 

This was when Ibarra suddenly hatched up the most brilliant ~~and most delayed~~ plan: to be close with Maria Clara again, despite the awkward past. It worked swimmingly! –at first. But then her clique (they called themselves The Girl 5) caught on with his plan and started teasing him, or questioning his motives.

 

“What is this? Has the fallen Prince Charming come back to reclaim his damsel?”

“Ah, ah, so you know about Linares, don’t you, Ibarra?”

“Cris, you never know how to let go, do you?”

“Oh, so once again, Crisostomo is in love with Maria!”

“You won’t hurt her again, you uneducated illustrado!”

“Crisostomo, oh, Crisostomo, this is so romantic!”

“Oh, think of what Tito Damaso would think when I tell him!”

“Crisostomo hasn’t let go! Crisostomo is in love with Maria Clara!”

 

Crisostomo absolutely cannot have that.

 

He cannot have walking signs saying “Crisostomo is still in love with Maria Clara and is trying to win her back”. And most especially, he cannot have women crowding around him giving commentary about every move he makes toward Maria Clara. It… annoys him. Flusters him out of his normalcy.

So he tries to play it cool. He tries not to arouse (-actually, it already has, so he prevents instead the growth of-) their suspicions.

 

“No, I’m not in love with Clara. _Sinang naman_ , why would you even think that? Is it wrong for a friend to try and get closer to another friend?”

 

“ _Closer nga lang ba?_ ” one of them offhandedly states aloud.

 

“Oh, really, Cris? Don't give me that bull. I don’t believe you.” Sinang says with a sly smirk, crossing her arms over her chest.

  _Ah, two can play at that game, Sinang._

 

“Yeah, I’m actually involved with someone right now.”

 

_…Woah, wait._   
_Wait, you didn’t just-_   
_Ibarra, you-_

 

“ **WEH?!** _Dios mio_ , Juan Crisostomo Magsalin Ibarra, if you’re lying to me-!”

 

_Okay, you may want to think THIS part through, Ibarra._

And he does.

 

> **PROS**  
>  Get closer to Clara in peace without having to deal with  
>  a. The annoying commentary of Girl 5  
>  b. Clara’s Tito, Damaso  
>  c. Clara’s own curiosity (“I heard you liked me, ah, you saucy boy, Crisostomo, _you_!”)
> 
> **CONS**   
>  _…Sino muna?_
> 
> **Pros > Cons**

 

“I’m not!” he says smugly.

 

“Then who is it? Come on, tell us!”

The girls peer at him expectantly.

 

_Oh shit. This is a problem._

_Quickly, Ibarra!_

_Think of someone smart._   
_Sophisticated._   
_Educated._   
_Someone who’s thought process was mostly logical and not as flawed as yours._

_Someone who was somehow mysterious (so that the G5 wouldn’t immediately catch on on his plot!)._

 

_Most importantly, someone HOT._

 

He tries his hardest to think of someone who fit into all those criterion, whilst maintaining a smug smirk on his face.

  
And it was hard, really. It was.

 

 

So when he thought of that certain person, he immediately blurted it out without any second thoughts.

 

“It’s Elias!”

 

_Oh, shit._


	2. "Kami Na, Hindi Pa Lang Niya Alam"

 

Elias and Ibarra are actually classmates in the Math Pull-Out Program in their school.

So yes, they know each other. They’ve socialized, even helped each other through tough times, but they’re not actually… friends. They’re both in the same caliber, don’t get that wrong, but the problem is…

 

They were too contradictory.

Even their families are at odds.

 

Elias thinks this as he sips his Choc-O.

So when Elias is approached by Ibarra later that day, it shocks him; even more so when the shorter man pleads suddenly, clutching at his sleeves, “Elias, will you be my boyfriend?”

 

Elias almost chokes on his chocolate drink.

 

“ _Baliw ka ba?!”_ he shouts accusingly, coughing as he did.

“I’m sorry.” Ibarra says softly, awkwardly patting the larger man’s back. When Elias stops coughing, Ibarra takes this moment to explain.

“You see, I’m in love with Maria Clara.”

Ah yes, he remembers the two were an item back in… Grade 6?

 

Elias sniggers despite the pain in his lungs.

“What are you laughing about?!” Ibarra asks immediately, almost defensively. The patting in his back turns to harsh slaps.

 

“ _Aray._ Nothing. Go on.”

 

“Anyway…” Ibarra tries again, “I was trying to get closer to her, but her friends caught on. And I don’t really want people to comment or react about this…”

He flicks his eyes back at Elias’. “So I told them I was involved with someone.”

 

“Why me?” Elias asks dumbly.

 

“Because… well, for the lack of better term, we _fit._ ” Ibarra answers with a shrug.

Elias scowls.

_Ew._

 

Elias stares darkly at the shorter man, this _stupid shorter man who’s actually asking him to get into this mess-_

“No.”

“But I told them already!” Ibarra whines.

 

O _, punyetang Eibarramendia_.

 

He brings his hand up his face in complete exasperation. _Is there anything good about this guy?_

Elias remembers that time, though, that Ibarra tagged-team with him against a bunch of assholes bullying Elisa, his twin sister. A group of 20 year old _tambay-sa-kanto_ s went near her sister one time while going home from school and started hitting on her in the crassest way possible. And, after beating one guy up, they all horde around _him._ Suddenly this guy _\- Ibarra_ \- just comes in and literally, _literally_ kicks all of their asses. Then they actually clapped hands before beating the other lowlifes down.

And it surprised him, really. Like, whoa, he was probably _raised and graced_ to hate on Elias’ bloodline, but he helps not one- but both spawns of their bloodline.

The sons of bitches had knives with them, and managed to cut Elias’ arm. Ibarra helped him fight them off, reported those guys to the police, and even gave him a betadine-laced Band-Aid for his cut.

 

He sighs miserably, decision made in his mind.

“Fine, fine.”

 

_Hay, nako. Repaying this debt better be worth it._

 

Ibarra squeals then, much to his surprise, laces his arm around Elias’, and smiles brightly at him.

“Let’s get this show on the road.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note na yung pagtulong ni Ibarra kay Elisa is a parallel of Ibarra’s helping Elias in the Chapter “Pangingisda”. Which, parallelically, also resulted to Elias making tanaw an utang-na-loob to Ibarra. Patawad, nawawala na sense of speech ko. #conyonation Tsaka oo, walang salita na parallelically. Haha. Anyway, sinusubukan ko talaga i-implement ‘yang mga tidbits nila from Noli to this fanfic!! Ayoko talagang mawala yung specialness ng relationship or character nila sa Noli just because this fanfic is a fanfic, Elibarra, or an AU. Basta, like some fanfics kasi, as nice as they are, don’t really show yung entirety of their characters and most especially their relationship with each other. It misses out on the magical feel of their real relationship e. Basta anyway. Yan na yan. Haha. Thanks for reading!


	3. Glue

In the few weeks they had, they tried to bond a lot. Ibarra found out that Elias was actually very good at Trigonometry, so he helped Ibarra solving all the simple sample problems the teacher gave. (“No, _tanga_ , you just press _cos_ for cosine!” “Oh, okay!”)

And at times that the bell rings for recess or lunch, he would always catch Elias and lace his arm around his even before the man could escape from him. This is so they could hang out at breaks as well. They always stayed near the Balete Tree in the East Campus, since no one goes near that place. They would share food ( _unwillingly_ , for Elias’ part), and talk about anything under the sun. They even found out they had the same Senior HS Academic Track: Humanities and Social Science (HUMSS).

Ibarra is actually pleased about all this. It’s going really well.

Elias, on the other hand, is cursing everything. _Damn Eibarramendia lineage._ But he has to admit, it’s actually pretty okay.

 

He takes that back as soon as they start talking about HUMSS-related things and topics.

 

“So you’re saying the incident in xxxxxx was unnecessary?”

“No, I’m just saying we shouldn’t hate on them for what happened. It was a big misunderstanding.”

“Well, yeah, actually I agree with you.”

 

But then Ibarra mentions something about _necessary evil_. Suffice to say, they start fighting.

Elias mutters. “Why the fuck do I even have to defend my point? I didn’t choose to be with you.” Ibarra was about to lash out again at Elias, but suddenly, the Girl 5 (minus Maria Clara) show up.

 

“Ah, so it’s true!”

“I thought you were bluffing, Ibarra!”

“ _Naks, ah_ , so _pogi_ _naman_ this boyfriend of yours!”

“ _Akala ko talaga nagsisinungaling ka!”_

 

Ibarra faces them slowly, half of his argument choked down his throat. He swallows it. It takes him a second to get his game face on.

“Ah, _kayo ah_ , you think I’d lie? Does Crisostomo Ibarra ever lie?” he says with a snooty laugh. Elias fights the urge to scoff at that.

“Yeah, well,” Ibarra drones on awkwardly. “This is my boyfriend! Haha! This is Elias, my classmate! From Math! Pull-out, I mean! Math Pull-out! He was just teaching me about-“

Ibarra notices the girls are not listening to him anymore, but instead are staring at Elias in awe. It’s like they don’t even notice the man in question is glaring at them. Ibarra tenses when Elias brings his eyes to him next.

Ibarra pinches Elias’ thigh under the table.

_You promised you’d help Ibarra, right?_ Elias thinks. After a silent begrudging sigh, he smiles at the girls brightly. You could almost hear their inner voices squealing.

“Yes, my beloved Ibarra is just so great! He’s so smart, I don’t think I even had to help him with all these lessons!” Elias laughs and brings Ibarra closer to his body. He hugs the man from behind. “And the way he looks at me- Ah, I couldn’t ask for anyone else!”

The girls and Ibarra are shocked, the latter flustered and probably reddening as well. _Woah. I didn’t think he had it in him!_

“ _Ay, sige,_ we’ll leave you to it!” The girls leave giggling.

There is silence permeating the air.

Ibarra clears his throat.

“Uhm… wow. Thank you for that.” Ibarra starts awkwardly. “I didn’t expect that. Best actor award goes to you.”

Elias merely responds. “It was nothing.”

“Okay, so it’s established: we don’t really agree with one another. But please, can we try that again? Like, put our best game faces on whenever someone comes in?”

“You can say that for yourself.” The larger man scoffs.

Ibarra scoffs as well. “ _E ikaw naman, masyado mong sineseryoso._ ”

Elias was about to ask what he meant, when the man suddenly replies,

“You can let go now.”

 

Elias’ face feels hot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the topic about HUMSS they were talking about was actually about a real place we probably all know. However, I just replaced it with xxxxxxxxx because I think it was wrong to talk about real events in relation to it being a necessary evil. 
> 
> So yes. xxxxxxxxxx.
> 
> And yes. The reason why Elias is a good “actor” in this fic is because in Noli, he actually is. I think. Idk. Basta he likes to “act”, in the sense that he pretended to be that one-eyed guy, right? And in the Chapter "Tugisan sa Lawa" where he pretended to be someone from Pandakan who was selling hay. We can say Elias is very experienced in pretention! 
> 
> Anyway, that's it. Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Hot Glue

Ibarra’s verdict: _This is totally not going to work out._

After the incident, Ibarra persuaded Elias to spend more time with him _(“We need to act more convincing than that!” “Speak for yourself! You’re the one who’s not convincing here!”)_ They would always be together, with entwined arms, either talking about themselves or just being in each other’s presence.

One time, even, Ibarra’s phone rings, and Elias was sincerely shocked to find out that his ringtone was _Lando_.

“Seriously?” Elias asks him with a raised eyebrow.

“What?”

“ _Gloc 9?_ ”

Ibarra’s face flushes. He looks down at his phone and murmurs, “There’s nothing wrong with Gloc 9.”

“I know there’s nothing wrong with Gloc 9. I just thought you’d be more into… 5SOS or something.”

Ibarra raises his head and laughs. “Nah, I’m more into OPM.”

Elias keeps this information in his head for future use. And he does utilize this one time, when the two found themselves alone after class hours.

“ _Wala pa sundo mo?”_ Elias asked him then. The man was standing up next to Ibarra’s body, who was lying on the ground, waiting.

“Yeah. You?”

“I commute.”

“ _Ah, sige._ Bye then.” When he sees the larger man drop his bag beside his, he’s shocked. “You’re not going home yet?”

“Who’s going to keep you company?” Elias questions him back, sitting down beside his prostrate form. Ibarra then notices the man has a guitar.

“Wow, you play guitar? You never told me!” he says, slapping Elias’ back. “Play something for me, would you?”

And he does. He plays all kinds of things- ranging from Ed Sheeran to Itchyworms.

“Ay, yeah, I know this song.” Ibarra says, this time seated. His knees are folded before his chest, his hands enveloping them. His head bobs to the beat of the music. Elias is beside him, playing Akin Ka Na Lang, staring at the strings he plucks and at Ibarra. Unconsciously, Ibarra starts singing along.

“ _Akin ka na lang… Akin ka na lang… Iingatan ko ang puso mo~”_

 

“ _Ang ganda ng boses mo_.” Elias comments offhandedly.

Ibarra chokes on his spit and starts coughing automatically.

 

Elias continues playing.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as Ibarra stops, he slaps the guitarist on the shoulder. “ _Ano ba ‘yan! Sige na nga, ‘di na ako kakanta!_ ” His face is absolutely red- from the coughing fits or the compliment- we’ll never know.

“ _Aray.”_ Elias says simply, stopping in his playing. “I said your voice was good. Why would you take that as an insult?” He pets the sore spot on his shoulder.

Ibarra doesn’t comment- just looks very offended despite being given praise. He stares down at his shoes, like they were the most fascinating thing in the world- and continues listening. Elias shakes his head in complete _not_ understanding, but continues to play.

When he starts playing _Kundiman,_ Ibarra starts humming.

“ _Hoy,_ don’t stop yourself. Just sing already.”

Ibarra looks at Elias. The man is staring at him. The man is staring at him like his whole life was concentrated in his eyes; he feels like something’s _seizing on his throat-_

He looks away abruptly.

 

“… _Kung hindi man tayo,_

_hanggang dulo ‘wag mong kalimutan,_

_andito lang ako, laging umaalalay,_

_hindi ako lalayo…_

_Dahil ang tanging panalangin ko_

_ay ikaw_.”

 

“ _Ayun, e!_ ” Elias says , and this is probably the first time the man smiles at him, at _him,_ and Ibarra feels the choking sensation again, God, _he can’t breathe-_ “Continue the song. You got it, Ibarra.”

He does, but not before looking away. Damn, Elias’ eyes were really intense. It was as if the two orbs were burning holes into his own.

So that’s how they spend their after class hours- jamming and singing OPM. Elias even chuckles (albeit limitedly) when Ibarra starts rapping, even more so when he starts singing _The Ordertaker._

 

“ _Waiter! Pa-order naman ako ng porkchop,_

_At tsaka ng dalawa ngang kanin,_

_Lagyan mo na rin ng konting-”_

 

At this, Ibarra’s stomach decided to have a solo itself.

 

He immediately darts his head toward Elias and grins sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

“ _Tara_ , let’s find something to eat.”

 

* * *

 

 

After scouting the whole campus, they find out that the cafeterias and canteens are all closed. So they go outside to buy fishball.

“I’ve never tried fishball before.” Ibarra says, watching in awe at the vendor who pokes at them and puts them in a plastic cup.

“ _Seryoso?_ Tss _, syempre_ , _sheltered RK_ -“

“ _’He, manahimik_!”

After getting their own fishballs, Ibarra fishes for his wallet, only to see Elias giving change to the vendor.

“Hey, let me pay for my share!” Ibarra insists after finishing his food.

“No. _Libre ko na ‘yun._ ” Elias says, poking his fishball. “Think of it as my treat to you for your first time.”

 

This was when Ibarra decided: _Yes. This can fucking work._

 

* * *

 

 

They even meet a second time after school hours, a few weeks after. The two haven’t seen each other in a while, due to Ibarra having to attend to some important matters and whatever else _illustrado kids_ do. But that afternoon, while Elias was calmly walking down the corridors, he suddenly spots Ibarra groaning and hitting his head on his hand. Getting closer, he hears the man is muttering, “ _Sa’n na ‘ko bibili nito? Tangina, saan…_ ”

Elias sighs to himself- _dammit, why do I have to be so good to him-_ before tapping the frustrated man’s shoulder. “Oi. What’s wrong with you?”

“Elias!” the man says, as if his name were a mere salvation to be said, and immediately clings to his arm. “Can you tell me where I can buy these things?”

Ibarra shows Elias a list of materials. Probably for a crafting project. “NBS.” He says almost instantaneously.

“Okay!” Ibarra says, with a triumphant smile on his face. All too suddenly, his face deflates. “So, how do I get there?”

Elias fights the urge to facepalm himself. NBS was just probably a few blocks away.

He’d tell Ibarra to _figure it out, rich kid,_ but looking back at him, he sees weariness and tiredness in his features. His eyes had these eyebags that were probably 2 shades darker than his real skin tone, and his hair was, well, a mess.

“ _Wala ba driver mo?”_

“My _yayo_ was sick. I didn’t want him to drive me to school, or vice versa.”

_Did he just call his driver **yayo**? Is this guy for real? And seriously, did he really not know where NBS was or was he just playing? God, this guy…_

Elias merely sighs once more. “I’ll bring you there.”

Ibarra beams at him gratefully.

So the two travel to NBS to buy Ibarra’s stuff. Afterwards, Ibarra seems to have decided to learn more about the world and extend his mental map of the localities, because the next thing Elias knows, he’s pointing at places and telling his friend what they were, while their taxi meter was going over 200 pesos.

“So there’s a _Papa John’s_ here?”

“Yeah. Beside it is some milk tea joint, but don’t buy there, it’s not worth the money.”

“ _Korek!”_ even the taxi driver comments. “ _Lasang plastik.”_

So, after going around almost the whole _city_ , Ibarra asks Manong Driver to drop them by at Army Navy.

“Thank you po!” Ibarra waves after the car.

And they eat a lot (“ _Libre mo naman siguro ‘to, Ibarra? Wala akong pera.”_ “Yeah, it’s on me, Elias!”). Afterwards, while waiting for a taxi for Ibarra, the two huddle by the side of the street; it was really fucking cold. Once a taxi stops by in front of them, the man faces Elias.

“Thanks for the _Taxi Adventures_ , Elias.” Ibarra says with a timid smile. “I enjoyed today.”

Elias ruffles his hair like a child. “Me, too. Oh, and don’t forget this.” He gives Ibarra the NBS paper bag.

Ibarra gets into the car, and rolls down his window. He waves at him. As the car starts moving away slowly, Elias shouts after him, “-and don’t forget to call me back once you get home!”

“I don’t even have your number!” Ibarra’s laughter is heard as the taxi drives away.

 

Elias feels his face go hot.

 

* * *

 

 

This is how they go about their lives in a few months: always talking, or going out to places, or eating somewhere. They even can talk about HUMSS-related things now without getting balled down by the other.

“So, you agree with Rizal’s point of view? About how we should be under the Spanish rule?”

“Of course, it’s the most peaceful way of achieving freedom. It may take a few years, but a few years is nothing compared to what lives would be lost alternatively.”

“I see where you’re coming from.”

“But yeah, your argument has a point too. Submission shouldn’t be what an independent country should exude.”

They even have a routine of going _carinderia-hopping_ every Friday.

“So,” Elias starts, sitting down one of the stools. “I heard that they even had pretty decent ramen here.”

Ibarra sits a bit too close beside Elias. “Great. Can’t wait to wash out last Friday’s _sushi_ out of my mouth. I think I can still taste it.” Ibarra makes a face.

While waiting for their orders to be served to them, Ibarra looks up the carinderia’s TV. “ _Uy, o._ It’s that Close-Up commercial again.”

Elias looks at the TV as well. “Hey, it’s the extended version. It’s that song you love, right?”

“Tss, it’s not like I find my favorite songs in toothpaste commercials.” Ibarra mutters defensively. Elias snorts. _But yeah, the song was good. ‘Di naman niya kasalanan na natitipuhan niya yung kanta._

“There’s nothing to be defensive about.” Elias tries to console him, ruffling the shorter man’s hair. “It’s a good song. I’ve heard it a few times."

 

* * *

 

**ELIAS' POV**

The ramen bowls are placed in front of them. _Dingeding._ Elias’ phone rings, so he takes it out of his bag. There’s a message from Elisa.

[Elisa: wer u? no keys aq.]

He starts typing a response.

[Elias: I’m eating with Ibarra. Tambay ka muna kay Manong Salvi.]

Waiting for Elisa’s reply, he hears someone singing along with the commercial’s song.

 

> _“ **-all I am, reaching out to you**_
> 
> **_I can't be scared, got to make a move…_ **
> 
> **_While we're young, come away with me,_ **
> 
> **_Keep me close and don't let go…_ **
> 
> **_Inch by inch, we're moving closer_ **
> 
> **_Feels like a fairytale ending…”_ **

****

_Baka si Ibarra._ _He loves that song. Buti naman he’s comfortable singing around me. Ang ganda rin ng boses niya, e… I think we need to go jamming again soon._

[Elisa: sure enjoy lng kyo ;))). but pls hurry up. creep sya]

Elias can’t help but smile at his twin’s stupid reply. Quickly, he tucks his phone into his pocket and brings the ramen closer to him. He’s ready to eat. He was about to comment, “ _Bakit di ka na nagsasalita, Ibarra? Siguro busy ka nang minomomol ‘yang pagkain mo”,_ but as he faces Ibarra, he sees the man is staring dumbly at him.

 

> **_Who'd have thought that I'd breathe the air_ **
> 
> **_Spinning 'round your atmosphere_ **

 

“What the-?” Elias starts.

Ibarra seems to snap out of his daze. “You’re…” he starts, then clears his throat. “You’re good in singing, too, huh? You didn’t tell me.”

 

> **_I'll hold my breath, falling into you_ **

 

 _A_ _h, so I was the one singing._

_And all that time, he was listening to me._

 

> **_Break my fall and don't let go_ **

 

Elias looks away, but mumbles a soft _thank you_. They eat their ramen quickly (and awkwardly), with the commercial’s song the only thing playing and making noise.

 

> **_Inch_ ** **_by inch, we're moving closer_ **
> 
> **_Feels like a fairytale ending_ **
> 
> **_Take my heart, this is the moment_ **
> 
> **_I'm moving closer to you_ **

 

After Elias and Ibarra finish their ramen, Elias pays the vendor.

“Ah, Elias, let me-” Ibarra starts, but is cut abruptly.

 

> **_In_ ** **_ch by inch, we're moving closer_ **
> 
> **_Feels like a fairytale ending_ **

 

“Last Friday was yours. Let me.”

“Okay…” Ibarra says.

Elias is worried. Ibarra’s mind seems a million miles away.

 

> **_Take my heart, this is the moment_ **
> 
> **_I'm moving closer to you_ **

 

“Are you okay?” he says, grasping Ibarra’s shoulder and making the man face him.

Ibarra smiles at him. “Yeah, why the heck not?”

Elias tries to smile comfortingly at him.

 

> **_Moving closer..._ **
> 
> **_Closer to you..._ **

 

Ibarra clears his throat. “Ah- Yeah, I just remembered, can I have your cellphone number?”

“Sure, sure."

 

> **_Moving closer..._ **

 

After exchanging numbers, Elias puts his hand on Ibarra’s back and says, “ _Tara,_ let’s go home.” Ibarra just nods.

 

> **_I'm moving closer to you._ **

 

* * *

**IBARRA'S POV**

The ramen bowls are placed in front of them. _I’m raring to eat!_ When he looks back at Elias, however, the man is busy typing on his phone.

He shrugs, _sige, hintayin ko nalang siya_ , and refocuses his attention to the screen. The scene was so damn cheesy, yeah, the girl _giving the guy the doe eyes, tss,_ Ibarra could barely hold the scoff in his throat when suddenly-

 

> **_“-all I am, reaching out to you_ **
> 
> **_I can't be scared, got to make a move…”_ **

****

Ibarra turns his head slowly toward the sound.

_Oh my God, is Elias singing-?_

 

> **_“While we're young, come away with me,_ **
> 
> **_Keep me close and don't let go…”_ **

****

As soon as Elias sings the line, “ _come away with me_ ”, he felt his heart ache. It was a beautiful statement in itself, _come away with me,_ but for reasons he couldn’t understand, it made him feel sad, almost desolate, desperate-

He feels like time stopped, and all that was left was Elias and him. Elias, who was smart just as he was dumb- Elias, stupid _beautiful Elias who was just here-_ _God, what he would’ve given to be able to- to-_

 

_To what, Ibarra?_

 

He felt breathy and choked all at once.

 

> **_“Inch by inch, we're moving closer_ **
> 
> **_Feels like a fairytale ending…”_ **

****

It appears time was continuing on, however, as Elias suddenly smiled at his phone. He watches the man put his phone back into his pocket, and bring the ramen closer to himself.

_Dios mio, what’s wrong with you? This is Elias, dammit, calm yourself, Ibarra-_

Before Ibarra could retract his lingering gaze on Elias, the man in question looks at him. The smile on his face is wiped away when he sees Ibarra was still staring at him.

“What the-” he starts.

“You’re-” Ibarra clears his throat, _dammit, that sounded like a mewl, dammit, Ibarra, dammit dammit dammit, fix yourself-_ “You’re good in singing, too, huh? You didn’t tell me.”

Elias looks away suddenly. If Ibarra wasn’t so hypersensitive at the time (thanks to his sudden Elias rush- _este, adrenaline rush_ ), he wouldn’t have heard the quiet ‘thank you’ from the man.

Elias digs in, Ibarra following soon after. The atmosphere is quiet (save for the song playing), but his mind is screaming things at him.

 

_What the hell was that, Ibarra?_

_Explain. What in the absolute name of fuck was that?_

_That was so strange!_

_Oh, shit. Are you-?_

Ibarra shuts the noise off from his head and focuses on the ramen.

Slurping the remaining soup loudly, he sees Elias handing cash to the vendor. He separates the bowl from his lips immediately. “Ah, Elias, let me-”

“Last Friday was yours. Let me.” Elias is staring at him, _and God, there it is again, the choking feeling-_

 

He puts his half-full bowl down. _I don’t intend on dying tonight because I choked on soup. ‘Di ko na uubusin ‘to._

 

“Okay…” he says softly.

_But dammit, what’s with these thoughts? I swear to God. Something’s happening here, and I don’t know what._

His mind tries to string together a bunch of incoherent thoughts.

 

_Am I-?_

_–For Elias? Am I actually-?_

 

“Are you okay?” the man in question asks, turning him around to face him.

Ibarra gulps. _He’s too damn close, I can’t think-_

“Yeah, why the heck not?” he almost whimpers.

 

Elias tries to smile comfortingly at him.

****

_This is getting awkward, don’t ruin this, Ibarra-_

Ibarra clears his throat. “Ah- Yeah, I just remembered, can I have your cellphone number?”

“Sure, sure.” Elias says, and maybe it’s because he doesn’t want the awkward to be acknowledged.

****

After exchanging numbers, Elias puts his hand on Ibarra’s back. Ibarra tries not to flinch or think at all; his thoughts would only betray him. So when Elias says, “ _Tara,_ let’s go home”, all he can do was nod.

He looks back at the carinderia, and sees the music video was just about to end.

 

> **_“…I'm moving closer to you.”_ **

****

His hands tighten around his sleeves.

 


	5. Kain Tayo, Bhe

Elias was on his bed, turning ceaselessly, trying to get some sleep.

Man, it was getting so boring. Two weeks of Semester Break with nothing to do? Elias sits up, irritated. And he was trying to sleep the whole break off?

Damn, he needed friends.

 

_Dingeding._

 

Elias stares at his phone skeptically. _Wow, who could that be?_ He thinks to himself, but thankful for the distraction nonetheless.

 

 

 

> **_0922 xxx xxxx: nagu2tom ako_ **
> 
> **_Elias: Sino ‘to?_ **
> 
> **_0922 xxx xxxx: bf mo!!! hihi ;P_ **
> 
> **_Elias: Ibarra?_ **
> 
> _**0922 xxx xxxx: wla ng iba! Unless… ur cheating on me? Hahaha!!!!!** _

 

Elias makes a face.

 

 

 

> **_Elias: Teka, isasave ko lang number mo._ **
> 
> **_Elias: Okay, done. Ano gusto mo?_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: nagu2tom nga ako_ **
> 
> **_Elias: Bakit ganyan ka magtype?_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: democratic country, bby! #notoh8_ **

Elias actually considers putting down his phone then, favoring sleep over Ibarra’s ill-written words and hashtags. _Kasi, seryoso. Ew._

But he’s been sleeping the whole day. If Elisa saw him now, she’d nag at him to get out of the house so that ‘ _di ka naman langawin dito!’._ Elias sighs.

 

 

> **_Elias: Please don’t call me that ever again._ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: LOL ok. But only if u agree to eat w me_ **

Elias shrugs. _I guess that’s okay._

 

 

> **_Elias: Yung sa QA ulit?_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: no. mla hotel_ **
> 
> **_Elias: Loko ka ba? Ang mahal do’n. Wala akong pera._ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: perks of having an rk bf. Tara g?_ **

Elias actually laughs at this. He supposes he could go have lunch with Ibarra…

 

 

 

> **_Elias: …Does this make you the guy in our relationship? Since ikaw nanglibre?_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: aw bby gusto mo ba ikaw top??_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: k lng saken yan. my illustrado ass is otw to ur crotch! <3 ;))))_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: masyado ka na bang kinikileg at di ka na nagrep_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: uhm elias?_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: elias huhu wag moko iwan sorry na joke lng jk jk_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: elias no homo_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: uy elias :((( g pa ba tayo_ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: eeeeeeeelias :((((((((((((((((((( wag ka magbackout huhu bhe sorry na :’(((_ **
> 
> **_Elias: Papunta na ako._ **
> 
> **_Ibarra: yehey! elias u da real mvp_ **

_Kadiri talaga si Ibarra,_ but Elias smiles at the text nonetheless.

* * *

After settling details, Elias finds himself in front of his and Ibarra’s school. Ibarra told him to hide behind one of the trees, which he does (begrudgingly). Suddenly, he hears a car stop nearby, and the sound of a door opening.

“ _Thank you po_! Just pick me up later, _kuya,_ I’ll text you!”

That was Ibarra’s voice.

Elias walks to the man as he hears the car drive away.

“So, what was the point of me hiding behind that tree?” he asks with a deadpan look on his face.

“Elias!” Ibarra greets, smiling at him. “ _Wala lang,_ I just didn’t want _Kuya Driver_ to see I was hanging out with you.”

“Oh.” And Elias isn’t sure if he unconsciously frowned at that or something, because the next thing he knows, Ibarra is looping their arms around again and saying, “I’m not ashamed of you, silly! Haha, I’m just afraid what he’d tell Lolo if he saw us together.”

_Ah yes. I remember. We’re the ‘cursed family’, the family the Eibarramendias condemn-_

He loses his thought as Ibarra looks up to smile at him again.

“ _Tara na!_ ” he says.

* * *

 

So, they took a tricycle going to Manila Hotel, and ate early dinner-late lunch there. Elias, munching on a particularly good breadstick, thinks back to Ibarra a few hours earlier trying to ride his very first tricycle. He snorts.

“What are you laughing about, you brute?” Ibarra asks, affronted, obviously also still hung up on that moment. He throws a piece of bread crumb at Elias’ direction.

“Nothing.” Elias lies, allowing a wicked grin cross his features. “We should make you ride more tricycles.”

Ibarra sticks his tongue out petulantly at Elias, (“Don’t ruin our first official _date_ with your teasing, Elias!”) and proceeds to stuff his face with more soup.

“Thank you for the food, though.” Elias says to him, looking at him with sincere eyes. Ibarra meets his gaze, and immediately looks away. Elias could swear the man’s face was a shade redder.

“I was hungry anyway. I just needed an extra one so I wouldn’t look as hungry as I really was.” Elias laughs.

And they continue to eat their food.

Maybe they’ve come past the trivialities of friendship, Elias thinks, as he notes the comforting silence between them. They weren’t talking- actually, only their munching was heard- but the silence wasn’t awkward at all. It was welcomed.

Elias looks up from his spoon and brings his eyes up to Ibarra. The man was currently looking out the window.

 _It’s been three months since this “relationship”, and I have to say it’s gone really well. I didn’t think we’d last this long._ Elias thinks to himself. _Maybe that’s what we lacked before. Trust. Faith. Maybe we were too biased for our own beliefs that we didn’t really care for anything else._

_But now…_

Ibarra looks at Elias, and is visibly flustered as he sees the man staring at him. But he says nothing.

Elias smiles at him. Ibarra looks down at his plate.

* * *

 

Someone starts performing a song later that night. Elias is taken by her- her voice, her expression, her singing physique- he sways his head, hearing the music, feeling the melody in his bones…

_Chakak._

His eyes dart open.

He sees Ibarra, with his arm outstretched, holding his iPhone. He was making a kissy face.

“Seriously?” Elias asks. Ibarra puts down his hand and grins at him sheepishly. “What? Don’t you know I’m a Selfie Lord? THE Selfie Lord of St. Diego High School, Quezon City?” Elias scoffs.

Ibarra snaps a picture of him.

“Stolen!!!” Ibarra shouts childishly.

“ _Hoy, you-!”_ but before Elias could continue, Ibarra aims the camera at him again. Elias smiles at it this time.

“Hah! _O, ano, ah?!_ ”

“Uy, you actually look pretty hot here.” Ibarra says, looking down at the picture. He shuffles in his seat and takes a photo of him and Elias in the distance. Elias is glad it was somewhat dark in the dining area; the camera might’ve captured the redness in his cheeks.

And they spend the rest of the hour taking loads of selfies. Even Elias makes wacky poses (he probably was getting bored of smiling formally), a fact that warms Ibarra’s heart.

He raises his hand then. “Waiter! Please take a picture of us!”

“We were doing well with the selfies!” Elias says, as Ibarra fits his butt onto Elias’ seat.

“As much as I love doing selfies, a decent picture would be better.” Ibarra loops his arm around Elias’.

“We look like a stereotypical gay couple!” Ibarra says, giggling like a kid.

Elias looks at Ibarra then, and smiles with a sigh. _This man…_

 

_Chakak._

 

Elias’ eyes dart immediately to the waiter.

 

_Oh shit. He took the shot. He took the-_

_Right when I was looking at-_

 

Ibarra says a hyper _thank you!!_ to the waiter, taking his phone from the man. He looks down at it again, when the battery charge catches his eye. _Aw, lowbat._

“Elias, do you have a phone with you?” he asks.

“No, I left it at home.” Elias replies, still not quite believing that picture was captured- him, staring _that_ way at Ibarra- Maybe he could ask Ibarra to just delete it- yeah, right?

“Ibarra, can I borrow your phone?”

“Lowbat.” Ibarra grins sheepishly again. “But don’t worry, I’ll post some of the pictures on Twitter. I’ll be sure to tag you!”

And Elias thinks, _okay, that’s okay, if he posts it on Twitter, that means other people will see it right? And that’s what we’re supposed to be: boyfriends. So the picture won’t be anything out of the ordinary…_

_But what would Ibarra think? He’d know better-_

Ibarra pockets the device, and tugs Elias up.

“Okay, so I can’t call my driver; my phone’s dead. And you don’t have a phone.” Ibarra explains. He grins at Elias, and winks lewdly. “Sleepover at your place?”

Elias takes not even a second to reply:

“No.”

“Aw, don’t be such a bum!” Ibarra says, laughing, but grabs his bag anyway as they head out the door.

“I’ll just probably drop you by your place before going home myself.” Elias says, glancing at the dark sky.

“Ah, look at that bamboo shoot, Elias! It’s so tall-” Ibarra says distractedly, pointing up where a bamboo shoot was standing proudly.

“Ibarra, focus.” Elias says, grabbing Ibarra’s arm. “ _Siguro alam mo naman kung saan ka nakatira diba?_ You don’t need your driver for that, I hope.”

“Yeah, I know.” Ibarra looks at him then, grinning. “Let’s go?”

* * *

They stop the tricycle a few metres away from Ibarra’s house, so as to not let any _anti-angkan ni Elias_ see them (in Ibarra’s words). Elias walks him to the gate of their big house nonetheless (“Fearlessly trudging to the enemy lines, wow! You have the makings of a warrior, Elias!”, again, in Ibarra’s words).

Ibarra rings the doorbell and answers the intercom. As the electronic door is opened, Ibarra grins at Elias.

“ _Ano? Hinatid kita dito, wala man lang goodnight kiss?_ ” Elias jokes, ruffling Ibarra’s hair immaturely.

The man laughs, but puts his hands on Elias’ shoulders. Ibarra leans in then, half-lidded eyes focused on his friend’s lips.

 

_Oh crap crap crap, that was a joke, that was a joke_

_IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING-_

 

Elias feels as though his brain might’ve short circuited. And he was going to let it happen. Really, he was.

 

But then Ibarra draws back and grins at him again.

 

“Sorry, I don’t kiss on the first date.” And goddamn, if that wasn’t the deepest breath he’s taken in his whole life. “Maybe next time.” Ibarra winks at Elias again.

Trying to regain his composure, he smirks. “ _Conservative mo_.” He says, as the man walks into the open gateway.

 

“No homo!” Ibarra shouts after him, laughing.

* * *

 

 

 

 _No homo pala, ah._ Elias thinks to himself, smiling. He rolls in his bed, and puts his phone on the side table.

 

He would never say it, but he dreams of breadsticks and selfies.


	6. Touchdown Part I

“ _Anak,_ what’s that?” Emilio asks his son. He wipes the sweat off his forehead with his shoulder and puts the bunch of wheat down inside the _kubo_.

Lucas tries to calm himself, wiping the tears off his eyes and the saliva from his mouth. Trying to catch his breath, he stares again at the screen of his phone before showing his dad.

The Ibarra kid just tweeted something, and Lucas found it so damn funny.

“Ay, I knew Ibarra was as straight as a scythe’s blade.”

Emilio stares at Lucas. “But a scythe’s blade isn’t-”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Dad, that’s the point! He’s gay!”

Lucas starts blabbing about how Ibarra was such a _faggot_ (“To think he’d wear a pink _kurbata?_ ”), how disgraceful it was to his playboy reputation, how Maria Clara would take this news-

His dad just stands there, eyes on the tweet. He keeps his eyes on the picture. Crisostomo had his arm around some _macho-_ looking guy… Crisostomo was holding hands with a _guy-_

_Crisostomo Ibarra, grandson of Pedro Eibarramendia, was **gay**._

Emilio pays no attention to his son as he starts walks toward the Eibarramendia’s house. As much as he hates the way he’s treated by the _ninuno_ of this damn clan, he’d rather not get punished when Señor Pedro finds out that he knew, and didn’t tell him.

So he isn’t shocked when Señor Pedro calls for Crisostomo in his study one day; even more so when he hears screaming inside.

“You’d rather be a _faggot_ for an _indio_ such as him?! People like him have no values!”

“Lolo-!”

“What would your great grandfather think? For you to sink so low as to be the _plaything_ of this- this thief?! _Punyeta!_ You have no respect for this family! You bring dishonor to our lineage! I am ashamed to even be related to-”

Emilio watches the young man stride out of the room before the old man could finish. If his eyesight wasn’t so bad, he would’ve said with conviction that he saw tears trailing down Crisostomo’s cheeks.

-

**_Ibarra: pick me up sa school_ **

**_Elias: Loko ka ba? Semester break. Ayoko lumabas ng bahay._ **

**_Ibarra: cge na pls…_ **

**_Elias: If you’re going to invite me out to Manila Hotel again, then I’m sorry, your food charm won’t work on me this time. Masyado talaga akong tinatamad._ **

**_Ibarra: tumakas ako_ **

**_Elias: otw. Diyan ka lang._ **

-

Ibarra leans against the school ground’s perimeter wall. He breathes out, willing himself to calm down. He loves his Lolo dearly, but…

He doesn’t understand why he’s got angry, or why he even cried. Sure, Elias was his friend now, but to feel so intensely like that in his defense? Not only that, but to suddenly walk out while his grandfather was talking?

Ibarra sighs, and drops his head down. Maybe he was overreacting. As said in that one quote, “Blood is thicker than water”. Elias was basically the water here. How could he do that to his Lolo?

Looking up at the sky, he decides he shouldn’t feel guilty. Elias went through many things and situations for his sake. He shouldn’t be guilty to do the same.

And Elias wasn’t like what his Lolo said, anyway. Elias had values. Elias believed in righteousness. Elias was someone who aspired for something in life- Elias wasn’t a thief. In contrary, the man gave- he gave and gave until there was nothing left to give. Elias was generous. Elias was beautiful. Elias was someone you could count on, Elias was someone you could trust, Elias was loyal, he was honorable- Elias was-

**_Vroom, vroom._ **

_Hot damn._

Ibarra tries to tear his eyes away from the sight of Elias, straddling his motorbike, gripping the handles tightly. …those boots on those legs, too. _Jesukristo, he was even wearing a leather jacket-_

If he didn’t feel so sad and angry and conflicted, he may have even reached for his iPhone to take a picture of the man who was now walking toward him.

“What happened to you, Ibarra?” he asked, putting his gloved ( _gloved!)_ hands on Ibarra’s face to check for any cuts, bruises, or anything that may have indicated a physical strife. “What happened? Talk to me. Are you okay?”

Ibarra brings his eyes up to Elias’ face. It takes a while for him to speak. “Y-yeah. _Ehem._ Yes, I’m okay.”

“No broken bones? Fractures? Abrasions?” Elias is still checking every square inch of his body.

“I’m sure.” Ibarra says, nodding but looking away from him. _Lolo just kind of broke my mind back there… and your dignity. But nothing more than that._

“ _E gago ka pala, e,_ why did you leave?” Elias says, slapping Ibarra’s cheek, but not enough to hurt.

The man in the helmet sighs, continuing. “Okay, so you ran away from home. Where should I bring you, though? You’ve packed a lot with you.” He motions to the _maleta_ by Ibarra’s feet. “Where did you plan on staying? Shangri-la? Manila Hotel? Sofitel? Let me bring you there. Do you have money?”

Ibarra sheepishly rubs at the back of his head, grinning slightly. “A-actually, I was planning to crash at your place…”

“What.”

Elias didn’t even ask _what,_ he stated _what._ Because seriously, what.

“Please, just for a few days. Just until Lolo goes back to Spain.” Ibarra pleads, his eyes turning into a puppy dog’s. _Oh, my God, this insufferable prick._ “Please, Elias, let me stay with you.”

Elias sighs. He shouldn’t even be helping this guy. “When does he leave?”

“Three weeks from now.”

“Three weeks from-?! Ibarra-” Elias stares at him. “-that’s the whole sem break duration, plus another one week. Are you kidding me?”

Ibarra looks down at his shoes. _Okay, maybe he didn’t plan this out at all… but…_ He looks at his friend. _Okay, maybe he can ask Elias to drive him back to his house; maybe he could sneak in without getting caught, grab some cash, and then crash at some dingy hotel for the time being…_

Elias takes off his helmet to scratch frustrated at his hair, which- Ibarra notices- was now reaching his collar bones. Finally, the man sighs. “Okay. Okay, fine, you can stay with me.”

Ibarra’s eyes widen. “Seriously?”

“Yes, of course, seriously.” he says, getting Ibarra’s head inside the helmet he just removed from his own. “Hop on, before I change my mind.”

Ibarra grins. “Thanks for doing this.”

He gets onto the motorbike (with much, _much,_ coaching from his friend).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elias then grabs the _maleta,_ positions it in front of Ibarra, and places himself behind the guy.

“Okay, so just hold on to the _maleta_. I swear, if that skids off while we’re driving, we’re not coming back for it.” Elias grumbles. He brings his hands forward, one hand turning the key while the other was on one of the handles. Ibarra tries to focus on the road ahead, not at the way _Elias’ arms were basically around him, enveloping him, right now-_

“You ready?” the man behind him asks. He just nods stiffly.

-

Ibarra jumps off from the vehicle as soon as they reach home. It was the most uncomfortable thing, having Elias’ arms around him like that, and his breath on his _ear-_

No homo though.

He stretches his limbs and tries to get his blood circulating again. His legs may have fallen asleep somewhere along the ride. He looks back at Elias, only to see the man has the _maleta_ on his shoulder and was carrying it like it was nothing.

“Home sweet home,” he says nonchalantly, turning the keys on the doorknob and walking inside.

The bungalow from outside seemed small and in disrepair, but inside it was spacious and seemed to be well-maintained. He looks around interestedly. On the left side was a kitchen space, with a three-seater table near the window at the front. On the right side was a couch facing the opposite way, with a TV in front of it. A hallway went along the wall that was across them.

“Nice place.” Ibarra comments, eyes still darting everywhere all at once. It’s his first time to see something about Elias, and it amazed him. Good thing there weren’t any people around! They would probably be laughing at him for looking like an idiot, just because he was learning more about his-

The thought suddenly occurred to him:

_You’re alone with Elias._

_In his house._

He doesn’t understand why his throat suddenly dried. “Where is everybody?” He flinches at how his voice squeaks at the end.

_Dammit, calm down, Ibarra. Calm your hormones down._

Elias disappears into the hallway, and he hears his bag being put down the ground. Elias shows up again, and casually walks toward him.

“Well, my Dad’s abroad; he’s an OFW. And you know Elisa, right? My sister? She’s at school right now. She’s practicing with her groupmates for this play… They were tasked to reenact a scene from… Noli me Tangere, I think?” Elias shrugs. “Anyway, it’s just the two of us now. Don’t worry.”

 _Don’t worry, he says._ Ibarra thinks to himself. _I don’t even understand why I feel so wary, dammit, it’s not like I don’t trust Elias- Oh shit, is he just going to stand in front of me like that? What the hell is happening?_

Elias stares at him with a raised eyebrow. _What the hell is Ibarra doing there, standing like a hat stand? What’s going through his mind right now?_

“You can sit down, you know.” Elias suggests, taking a step closer to Ibarra. “The furniture isn’t anything like you may have at your place, but they won’t bite.”

“Okay.” Ibarra says, but he doesn’t actually move.

“Ibarra? What’s wrong?” Elias asks cautiously, bringing a hand toward Ibarra. _What exactly is wrong with Crisostomo? Is he... Is he scared?_ “You can tell me. You know that, right?”

“I don’t actually know…” Ibarra confides, but at the same time moving away from Elias’ hand. “…why I’m acting like this right now.”

And it was true. He didn’t understand anything. He didn’t understand why he felt so hypersensitive about Elias’ presence around him. He trusted the guy, why should he care if he stepped too close or if he accidentally touched his arm?

Ibarra thinks back. This was all for Maria Clara. This fake relationship was because of his own plot to be with her. Maria Clara was still the one he loved. But looking at Elias now, he notices how only months ago he wouldn’t even walk near him. Now look at them: he’s in the guy’s house. _Alone with him._ Being honest with himself, his relationship with Elias was the only thing that got stronger as a result of this fake _thing_ they had.

What if his Lolo was right? What if he was actually going gay? For Elias _pa?_ Yes, he’d admit that he enjoyed the man’s company, so much so that if he were given a list of 50 people, he’d probably choose Elias over 47 of them.

He enjoyed being with Elias. He could say he almost _loved, **craved,**_ the man’s company _._ When he was being distracted with the thought of _kakain kami sa Manila Hotel,_ or _pupunta kami sa NBS,_ he would think to himself that being with Elias was okay. But it’s at times like this, when he can afford no _distraction_ , and it’s just the two of them- it’s when he realizes how _much he wants it-_ that he starts getting scared and withdrawn around him.

Yes, this was his goal. It was his goal to make people know that they were a thing, so that Maria Clara’s defenses would go down, and he could woo her more easily. That was his plan from the start, and Elias was okay with that. Elias was game. Ibarra was game, too. He was confident that whatever shit people threw at him (calling him gay or a faggot) would be okay, because he’d understand, even if just by himself, that this was fake. He knew better than they did.

But what if he _didn’t_ know better? What if he was confused about this too? What if the goal in his mind was becoming less and less of Maria Clara, and was subconsciously becoming Elias?

The agitation his Lolo caused him got to Ibarra.

“Ibarra?” Elias repeats, a step closer this time. Ibarra backs away, but does not reply. Elias calls him again. “ _Crisostomo._ ”

Ibarra’s lip quivers.

The tension in the air is thick.

Before anyone could say or do anything again, a sound is suddenly heard. **Grrrr.**

Elias’ face flushes. He cups his stomach. “Shit.”

“I’m sorry.” Ibarra cannot help but giggle. Okay, so maybe that helped alleviate the tension. Ibarra soaks up the _distraction_ that is given to him. “Crap, I’m sorry, Elias.” He laughs again.

“Don’t laugh at me.” Elias says, and looks at his tummy. “I didn’t eat lunch.”

“Let me cook for you.” Ibarra offers. “As a way of thanks.” _Okay, okay, you’re doing great. Calm down._

“No, just… go ahead and watch TV. I can manage.” Elias says.

_What’s with Ibarra?_

He gets to work in the kitchen, while in his reverie, and Ibarra plomps down the couch. He surfs different channels and once in a while, he'd steal a glance at the guy in the kitchen. 

_Ibarra, it's okay. You can do this. You're not... This isn't a legit thing you should be worrying about. Maria Clara's the goal, right?_

_Maria Clara's..._

He’s suddenly snapped out of his thoughts when he smells something burning. He immediately stands from his seat and rushes to Elias. He surveys the mess- ashes in the pan and a somewhat shocked cook.

“I burnt the spam.” He comments.

He makes Elias sit down (takes him a while, though), and then handles the food. He scourges the fridge for the items needed to make _tinola_ for Elias. The man observes him- Ibarra could basically feel the guy’s eyes trained on his back- but unaware of the inner turmoil going through his mind.

_Look at you, making food for your **boyfriend** , just like a good housewife would._

_Shut up. I’m doing this as a friend._

He tries to smile as he serves the _tinola_ , and watches Elias eat some of it. He watches every single detail of it- the way Elias puts the spoon in his mouth, the way he slurps the soup, the way his eyes widen suddenly...

“This is the best tinola I’ve ever had.” He says, staring at Ibarra. Ibarra giggles childishly. “Where did you learn to make that?”

“My mom taught me. Before she…” Ibarra clears his throat uncomfortably.

 _Where is Elias’ mom,_ he wonders belatedly, distractdly-

He feels Elias’ hand on his own. “I’m sorry… I know how you feel.”

_oh._

He tries to smile- for them both. For the pain they’ve felt, for the desperation, for the loss. He fails.

He does, however, when he sees, a few minutes later, the protruding stomach of Elias.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does the last two lines mean? You don't smile for your failures. You smile for your successes. In the same way, you shouldn't give a thought about things that troubles you. You should instead focus on the things that are clear to you- the things that make you smile, the things that make you happy, LIKE HOW ELIAS MAKES YOU FEEL, IBARRA, PUNYETA
> 
> Also yes. Being gay has its troubles. Especially when you start realizing it. I know I did. It's a really confusing time and usually you get bipolar. You start loving them and then hating them. Idk. I tried to explain how it goes in this chapter, but then it makes the ending seem ill-written... idk, maybe I'll fix this some time later. Thanks for bearing with me tho!!


	7. TOUCHDOWN part ii

Ibarra plops down the couch. “Oh, man. That was good.” He rubs his tummy. “I think I’m gonna _blow._ ”

“I don’t know if you’re joking. The bathroom’s there in case you need it, okay?” Elias points to the hallway as he plops himself down beside Ibarra. “Turn right. It’s the door, again, on the right.”

He tenses when he suddenly realized what he did. _He sat beside Ibarra._

Discreetly, he peers at the other boy. Ibarra was busy looking around at the room and the hallway beyond.

 

_I seriously don’t know what’s with Ibarra. Is he okay? Is he afraid of me?_

_Okay, so sharing the bedroom is probably a no now. I’ll just take the couch tonight, I guess._

“Wait up.” Elias says, walking toward his room. When he comes back, pillows in his arms, he sees Ibarra neatly laid on the couch.

“ _Anong ginagawa mo?_ ” Elias asks.

“Uhm…” Ibarra looks at him like it was the most obvious thing ever. “Sleeping.”

“Why-?”

“ _’Di ba nakahiga naman talaga ‘pag matutulog?_ ”

 

Elias looks at him crossly. “ _’Di, tanga, doon ka sa kwarto ko._ I’m taking the couch.”

Ibarra sits up from his prone position. “Uhm, _no._ This is your house. I’m the guest. I’m taking the couch.”

“That’s the point, Ibarra: you’re the guest. Take the better facilities.”

“The couch is as good as any other!”

 

Elias dumps his stuff on the couch and sits in Ibarra’s space (namely, his lap).

“ _Ouch!”_ the man yelps.

“I’m sorry,” Elias says, strong in his resolve. “Seems the couch isn’t big enough for the both of us. Go ahead and take my room.”

“Maybe even your fat ass alone couldn’t fit on this couch!” Ibarra playfully laughs, pushing the bigger man off him.

“Fat ass, huh? And who should we blame for that?” The smiling Elias lies his back down on Ibarra, who’s now laughing hysterically.

“Remind me never to feed you again!” he says, shaking the guy off. “Damn, you’re heavy!”

The two start laughing when Ibarra falls off the couch.

 

They suddenly realize that the TV was turned on. Someone probably sat on it. When they look at the screen, Captain America: Winter Soldier was on.

“Uy, I love this movie!” Ibarra whispers. Elias moves from his spot on the couch to give Ibarra some space.

“I haven’t watched this.” Elias admits quietly.

“Ha?!” Ibarra looks at him, disbelieving. “Then let’s just both shut up and watch this.”

* * *

The two just keep watching the movie silently, up to the part where Black Widow and Captain America were in the Mall. Ibarra makes a disgusted sound when the two kiss.

“Tss. _Wala namang chemistry ‘yang dalawa. Mas malakas pa chemistry ni John Lloyd tsaka ni Sarah Geronimo._ ”

Elias nods. “Yeah. I think Bucky even goes better with Captain America than Black Widow.” He puts his straining legs on the coffee table.

Ibarra grins. Elias takes a second to look at him, then his eyes go back to the screen. “ _Buti nagkakaintindihan tayo!_ Starbucks forever!!!”

“Starbucks..?”

“Star. _Kasi Captain America_. Bucks. You know, Bucky.”

“Okay? _May ganun?_ ”

Ibarra sneezes.

“God bless you.” Elias says, patting his back but not really prying his eyes away from the screen.

“Pass the blanket, would you?”

Elias passes the thick cloth to Ibarra, with which the man wraps himself in. He props his legs up the coffee table beside Elias’ own.

After a few seconds, he thrusts a part of the blanket toward Elias. “You want?”

Elias watches him warily, but takes the blanket and huddles with Ibarra.

 

The two continue to watch the movie with their legs up the table and their bodies under a shared _kumot._

* * *

 

Elias watches the scene carefully. It intrigued him how the man was able to put basically his _whole conscience_ into levels and levels of computer database.

How did you even do that? Do you record the way you’d respond to every single situation and just put that in the database? Were you asked different sorts of questions before-

Elias feels a heaviness on his arm.

He looks at his side, but then the heaviness is gone.

Ibarra is looking at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry, Elias, _napatulog ak_ -”

“ _Okay lang_.”

Ibarra stares at him again. “Are you sure? I mean, what if your arm suddenly falls asleep while my head’s on you, and you’re too kind to wake me up, I’m sure, so how are you going to cope with that? I mean, seriously, I’ve already overstepped my boundaries by going to your home without any warning whatso-”

“ _Daldal mo, gago, ipatong mo na lang.”_ Elias huffs, placing a hand on Ibarra’s head and forcing it down his shoulder. “ _Panira ka sa focus ko.”_

Ibarra smiles.

 

_Okay, maybe you don’t really have to worry about this._

_Tignan mo naman, tinawag kang gago. Dude, you’re not gay. This is not a gay thing. It’s just a bro friendship thing, okay?_

_Maybe you’ve just been with girls too long. Sila Sinang…_

_Pero maybe naninibago ka lang sa pagkakaroon ng bff na guy._

_Dude, ‘di ka bakla. ‘Wag ka na mag-alala._

He doesn’t remove his head from Elias’ shoulder, though.

* * *

 

Ibarra does not watch the movie anymore. He just zones out while resting against Elias. The guy was so damn warm… and the drama of today was something he really needs to sleep off.

“I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, buddy.” The beat-up Steve says to Bucky on-screen.

Ibarra yawns discreetly, but stops midway when he hears a sniffle.

He draws back from Elias’ warmth, and looks at the man.

Elias just looks back at him casually, as if tears weren’t trailing down his cheeks.

 

“Woah. You okay?” he asks.

“ _’Wag mo ‘ko pansinsin._ ” Elias replies snootily.

 

Ibarra grins at him and leans on him again. He cannot help the laugh that forces its way out of his mouth when he hears louder sniffles.

 

“ _Gago, ang epal naman nito, punyeta naman-_ ” Elias wipes furiously at his tears and glares at Ibarra. He tries his best not to smile.

“Sorry. Sorry.” Ibarra repeats, hugging Elias under the covers. He’s still laughing. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. _Sige,_ just let it out. Let it out, I’m here.”

He presses his mouth against Elias’ arm to keep himself from smiling.

 

_This is just friendship, Ibarra. See? Friendship._

_Don’t jump to conclusions like that._

_Seriously, you don’t have to worry about any of this._

 

Ibarra repeats this in his head.

 

“You still angry?” he asks, grinning at Elias.

He smiles when he sees he’s asleep.

 

“Tss. _Matapang ka pa?_ ”

* * *

 

Elisa gets her keys and opens the door to her house.

The smell of _tinola_ hits her senses.

 

“Wow, it smells like tinola in here!” she greets, closing the door behind her and preparing to lay her bag down on the couch. “ _Buti ‘di mo nasunog-_ ”

She stops when she sees that rk kid- _Crisostomo was his name, she thinks-_ snuggling her brother on the couch. She smiles.

Her brother would have some explaining to do.

She gets her phone and takes a picture of them. The two looked so adorable.

 

Grinning, she goes to the kitchen to eat some _tinola_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, ang tagal ko na ring 'di nag-update! Ito na. Sobrang overdue. O yan, lol! Enjoy!


	8. domesticccc

The two boys lived their life normally for the rest of the sembreak. Just like that.

 

Sometimes, they’d play video games with the PS3 Ibarra brought with him (“ _Seryoso ka ba? Tatakas na nga lang, may PS3 pa?”_ ), in which Elias repeatedly beat Ibarra’s ass.

 

“That’s so unfair!” Ibarra would shout.

“Your mashing technique is just really weak.” Elias would answer. And they’d go for another round.

 

One time, Ibarra even taught Elias how to cook _unburnt_ food, starting with spam. It would gradually increase to less basic food like sinigang or tinola. As thanks for his lessons, Elias made Ibarra halo-halo. (“ _Uy, ang galing, hindi sunog!” “Ibarra naman.”_ )

 

They even continued with their jamming sessions. Elias would play something on the guitar, and Ibarra would sing. Sometimes, Elias would sing with him. They (meaning Ibarra) thought they sounded pretty good, so he recorded themselves one day and posted the song on soundcloud. The post got 50,000+ plays over the span of four days.

 

Ibarra would play _pares_ on the _baraha_ with Elisa, while the girl talked about her day. They even had make-overs (which, Ibarra, for once, _did not like at all_ ).

Elias would hide the smile that would show up on his face whenever he saw Ibarra walking down the hallway, with eyeshadow and lipstick on.

“Uy,” he’d call. Ibarra would try to look at him in such a way the make-up didn’t show. “Blue really brings out your eyes,” he’d comment teasingly.

“ _Fat ass_!” Ibarra would shout, walking indignantly to the bathroom.

 

They even go to school together. The security guards would even comment, “Ah, there they are again, those two.”

 

But most of the time, they’d just hang out in Elias’ room, sprawled on the ground or so. Whatever it was that plagued Ibarra’s mind seemed to be gone now, Elias notes, because Ibarra wouldn’t flinch when they touch or bump against each other. Maybe he was able to resolve whatever internal conflict he had…

They’d talk about politics, academics- anything under the sun. He’d catch Ibarra sneaking a hand inside his _maleta_ sometimes.

 

“What is it with your _maleta_?” he asked one day.

Ibarra grinned, pulling out a bag of Doritos. “You want?”

Elias isn’t surprised when Ibarra suddenly grabbed two coke cans from his bag.

 

“You have a skewed sense of priority,” he commented then, popping open the tab. It was even cold, my God, _may cooler ka ba sa maleta mo-_

“And look what we get for it.” Ibarra grinned again, raising up the can as a toast.

* * *

 

Some days, though, they’d just get totally wasted _._ You could really tell when you end up asleep on the ground. _Like today._

Elias acknowledges this groggily as he wakes up. He checks his phone.

 

 _2:50 am._ Dammit.

 

He doesn’t know if he should go back to sleep or just stay awake; classes started by 6:30 am anyway, and he would normally wake up at 5:00 am to get ready.

He rolls slowly onto his back. He stops when he feels an arm on his chest and a leg snaked around his own.

 

Elias feels the heat on his face.

 

This has been happening for a while now. Whenever the two would sleep together…

It seemed Ibarra was _quite_ the cuddler. And he wouldn’t take it against the man if he was just looking for warmth. It’s hard to think about using blankets the night before when you were busy, as mentioned, _getting totally wasted._

This is why you don’t get wasted on a school night. _Dios mio._ You end up with Ibarra limbs all around you.

 

Elias feels his eyes droop. Damn, this felt really great… the warmth and everything… Ibarra… _right here_ … beside you…

 

Elias’ eyes suddenly open. Wait, what the hell was that..?

 

 _Okay,_ Elias acknowledges with a slight blush, _so maybe I am soft around him. I didn’t even notice him before, but now… we’re basically an entanglement of limbs._ Elias blushes more at the vocabulary. Damn mind.

 _I’m not very sensitive about this whole anti-gay LGBT thing going on. Actually, I think it’s a waste of time._ Elias glances at Ibarra. The man’s face is mere inches from his face. _If you like someone, you like someone. If you respect him, you respect him. That’s the end of that._

 _But… do you like Ibarra?_ Elias looks up the ceiling. _I mean, I wouldn’t care if he did anything questionable to me._ He reevaluates. _But is my indifference actually a good basis for my possibly being gay?_

_It should be, right? If some guy lunges forward to kiss you, and you do nothing, that makes you somewhat gay, right? If Ibarra tweeted more pictures of us on Twitter, I wouldn’t really care (dumami nga followers ko e. Pati DM, but I don’t think that’s actually a good thing. Anyway.). If he invited me over to one of those “date” things, I wouldn’t care. If he wanted to stay in my house, or dance with me, or if he strips naked, or invites me to have a shower with him, or if he asked me to kiss him-_

**(AN: Elias, parang mali ata ‘yang sequence mo. HAHA. Tuloy.)**

He suddenly darts his eyes over to Ibarra, most specifically, _his lips._

They looked so soft. So shiny.

_So inviting._

What would it feel like?

_What would it taste like?_

His hand moves up, cupping the man’s soft cheek. Ibarra’s head moves toward his hand, as if he was comfortable to be against it. _Shet, tangina._ Elias cannot ignore the pounding of his heart.

His eyes dart to stare at Ibarra’s own. _Okay, so he’s still asleep._

 

Slowly, he rests his thumb against Ibarra’s lower lip. Elias moves his own body closer, enraptured by the sight and the _feel_. Ibarra was like chocolate… so delectably _tempting._ Elias runs his thumb across Ibarra’s lip.

Ibarra groans.

 

The adrenaline pumping inside him, Elias immediately rolls away from him and pretends to be asleep.

Looking up a few moments later, he sees Ibarra on his back, snoring away.

 

_Tangina. Tangina, ano ‘yun._

Elias brings his hand up and scratches at his hair frustratedly.

 

_I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy these past few months._

_They’re fun. They’re great. They’re more purposeful as opposed to the time I was a loner._

_(It’s not like Elias was ignored; he had his own fanbase. Boys and girls of various levels liked him or respected his thoughts regarding politics. He, after all, was part of the debate team.)_

_Ever since Ibarra (forcefully) stepped into my life, it’s been…_

_Even if how we “started out” was pretty shitty, there was never a time I felt sad or alone. Someone understood me, even if that someone didn’t really view things the way I did. But the important part was that I wasn’t dismissed as casually as other people did._

_We were friends._

_And to be friends with Crisostomo Ibarra was a beautiful thing._

Elias does not stop the building smile on his face. His eyes dart up to Ibarra’s snoring form. _To think we would never even share pens before. Now look. We share even my bed- este, my floor._

_I can’t remember a time I wasn’t with Ibarra. My life basically revolves around him now. Thanks to him, I realized a lot of things. He makes me happy._

_And even in the times he doesn’t…_

Elias wishes Ibarra wasn’t so far away.

 

_He saved me._

_You could almost say I’m in lo-_

Suddenly, his eyes widen.

_Oh, shit._

Elias groans.

_Putangina talaga, what did you think would happen? Of course it would lead to this. Why did you agree in the first place?_

Ibarra turns over in his sleep. Elias watches with admiration, tire, and helplessness all at once.

He sighs.

 

_Ano ang gagawin ko…_


	9. BEKI

“Uy.”

Elias looks at Ibarra. The man was lying down on his bed, peering at him from his iPhone. Elias grabs hold of the towel on his head and starts drying off his hair.

“What’s up?” he asks, sitting beside Ibarra’s prone form. (Yes, they share a bed now. They already shared a floor, what was the harm in sharing a bed? _They were both hetero anyway_ , was Ibarra’s reasoning _._ )

“I saw you in school a while ago. With Victorina.”

“Ah.” Elias merely replies.

“Elias,” the man starts, putting his phone down beside him in favor of putting a hand on Elias’ arm. “They were calling you names.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Aren’t you bothered by that?” Ibarra sits up.

Elias looks at him. Ibarra seemed more bothered about it than he was.

 

“She talked to me, too,” Ibarra explains. “She started calling me gay. A disgrace. _A faggot._ ” He pauses at this.

“But it’s not like she was so great, anyway,” Ibarra continues, scoffing. He grins suddenly. “All that _colorete_ on her face; she’d look more gay than I am. …Assuming I am.”

Elias grins back at him. He agreed wholeheartedly; that Victorina girl was such a bitch. He knew Ibarra was just too respectful to say that out loud. He felt honored, though, that Ibarra trusted him enough to tell him what he really thought about things.

( _Buti na lang babae ‘yan,_ Elias thinks,because if she weren’t, he’d push him off her _figurative_ horse then.)

Ibarra continues. “I then told her that I just actually picked the concept up in my travels to Europe. Europe happened to be one of the most _informed_ places about this kind of thing…” Elias watches the man’s face redden a tad bit. Ibarra clears his throat. “Being the poser that she is, she just screamed, ‘OF COURSE I’D KNOW THAT!’ before scurrying off.”

Elias tilts his head. “How are you? No broken dignity? No hurt feelings?”

The smiling Ibarra looks at him then. “I’m totally okay with the verbal outlash. I mean, as long as we’re reaching our goal, anything’s okay.”

Elias hides his true feelings with a slight smile.

 

_Of course. How could we ever forget..? This is all for Maria Clara._

 

“But,” Ibarra’s smile is gone now. “If people call you gay, too… I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable, you can tell me. You can totally back out.”

“What?” Elias asks confusedly. “What about Maria Clara, then?”

“I’m willing to go lengths to be able to have her,” Ibarra simply replies. “but that doesn’t mean I would put you through the same fate, my friend.”

 

Elias feels selfish, but somehow he could not stop himself from letting go. _Not when things are so clear now…_

It hurts him. To go through this, yet know he would never have Crisostomo... But no. He cannot let go now.

He knows Ibarra will wonder. Without the distractions he needs, he would wonder. And he was afraid that Ibarra would realize this lie seemed less of what it was to Elias.

“I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, buddy.” He says, humorously, ignoring the way his heart tightened painfully.

 

Ibarra cackles at this. “Oh, God, that Captain America movie got you good!”

Elias watches him, feeling a little empty inside. _You have no one to blame but yourself when this ends in your own suffering._ He lies down on the bed beside Ibarra, pretending to ready himself for sleep.

Ibarra wipes the tears away from his eyes, and pants. He’s still smiling, but he moves closer to Elias and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Seriously, though. Tell me if ever this gets out of hand. You can always back out. _‘Di kita pinipilit, ah,_ you don’t have to do-”

Ibarra’s words are cut off when Elias suddenly grabs him for a hug. It was awkward, lanky limbs and all, but Ibarra smiles.

“I told you already: _okay lang._ ” Elias whispers. He lets go, and when Ibarra draws back, Elias ruffles his hair. “Don’t worry about it.”

Elias turns away from him.

He feels a hand on his bicep. “Thank you.” Ibarra says.

Elias sighs.

 

_You just dug a grave for yourself._

-

“Well, well, well!” A shrilly voice sounds.

Ibarra’s head darts up from the _siomai_ he was focusing on. His, Elias’, and everyone else in the canteen’s heads dart toward the source of the sound.

 _Hay, nako,_ Ibarra thinks to himself. _It’s her. Again._

“You _faggots_ always? What you do even think you’re doing here?” Victorina drones, walking with such force that emphasized the bounce of her curls. Her “goons”, as they were called, trailed by behind her, laughing mockingly.

Elias glances at Ibarra. Even if the guy said he was fine with the name-calling, he looked pretty affected by her taunt.

Elias looks at the girl crossly, bringing Ibarra behind him. “What do you want, Victorina?”

“For you _gays_ to disappear already! What you do even think you’re doing, walking the halls same as us? Disrespectful! Your kind is useless. Your kind is _scum_.” The girl says smugly, twirling her hair around her finger.

 

Everyone in the canteen are watching them. The air is thick. Elias feels Ibarra’s fingers digging into his shoulder blade.

 

Just as Elias readies himself for a barrage of insults to come from them, a group of people suddenly form in front of them.

“Hoy, Victorina, watch your mouth!” a boy shouts.

“ _Ayusin mo muna Ingles mo, ulol!_ ”

“Victorina, you suck!”

“Aren’t you the greatest of the great?” someone scoffs sarcastically.

“Shut up, you outspoken-!”

“Hypocrite! Aren’t you that girl who had this _thing_ with Consolacion from third year?”

(Ibarra tries not to snicker.)

 

Someone points at Elias and Ibarra.

“At least _they_ look good together! They’re fuckin’ adorable! Can’t say the same about you and Tiburcio, though!”

“Oh, burn!”

“What? Got anything else to say, _clown?_ _‘Di ko alam na nagbebenta pala ang Maibelline ng facepaint!_ ”

“ _Eres un inutil, Senyora Punyeta_!”

 

The crowd cheers. Everyone in the hall plays along and jeers at her. It doesn’t take long before people start chanting, ‘SENYORA PUNYETA’ repeatedly.

 

“I’ll get you this, you disgraces!” Victorina walks away pompously. When she exits the scene, everyone’s screams get louder.

“Elibarra! Elibarra!” everyone cheers.

 

Crisostomo smiles at them brightly. Elias, however, seems uncomfortable, which Ibarra notices.

 

Ibarra customarily thanks the group who started the defense. He then takes Elias’ hand (girls start squealing at this point- one had to be sent to the Clinic after passing out), and leads them away from the people, shouting “thank you!” all the while.

 

Finally alone, Ibarra checks on Elias.

“Are you okay?” the latter asks him. “You looked like you were going to pass out as soon as Victorina showed up.”

“What? Am _I_ okay?” Ibarra repeats back at Elias. “ _You_ looked like you were going to pass out as soon as the people started cheering!”

“I’m just not used to being noticed,” Elias mutters, looking down at his shoes. “like that.”

“I’m sorry. You know how it is _‘pag artista_!” Ibarra grins.

 

Elias chortles. “Especially now… we seem to have made our own fandom.”

“Yeah… But you have to admit, that was _awesome_!” Ibarra giggles, looking at Elias with bright eyes. “Let’s do that again next week!”

 

This was exactly why Ibarra loved his school; because it was always so hyped like this. Of course, being the son of the most famous volleyball varsity team captain/debate team member/fulltime heartthrob back in the day, Rafael Eibarramendia, it meant crowds. Lots and lots of them. People hounded around him, watching every single move of his that could either make him or break him. He lived for the hype. For the ups of every single day. Elias knew he craved it. Elias knew Ibarra _loved it._

Elias wishes Ibarra never has to go through anything that could bring him to do otherwise.

 

But he himself doesn’t admit that the hype got to him, too. He doesn’t tell Ibarra how much it fired him up when that group started defending them; that people still cared enough about each other to start doing stunts like that. He doesn’t explain how his heart beat wildly in his chest when the people started shouting “Senyora Punyeta”, telling him how the people saw the flaw in their system he thought they were blind to.

He doesn’t admit how he felt like soaring when people screamed ‘Elibarra’, in agreement to something Ibarra didn’t see was even possible to be Elias’ stand in this _joke_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have an update for this April Fools' Day! I imagine Ibarra actually saying 'I love you' to Elias, only to say 'April Fools'!'...
> 
> Anyway.  
> (Ginawa ang update na 'to alang-alang sa mga nasa bundok ngayon!)


	10. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH FUCK ME, THIS CHAPTER WAS LONG.
> 
> God. And it took like... 2 weeks or something. Crap. April 1 ata last update ko, e. OH WELL BANANA BELL. Please enjoy, kahit despite my reverent editing, ang labo pa rin ng events/emotions/feelings. Pero I promise you one thing: MASAKIT.
> 
> Joke, not that much naman. oks.

“Ibarra! Here are the Pringles and the Coke reload! I didn’t know if you wanted the cans or the bottle, but the bottle was cheaper, so-”

Stepping inside their room (este, _his_ room), Elias saw Ibarra on his chair, cellphone against his ear. He was staring out the window, head turned away from him.

“Tomorrow? _Sige,_ this is final, alright? Tell Sinang and the others. Okay, I’ll ask him. Okay, bye.”

 

As soon as Ibarra puts his phone down, he swivels the chair around to face him. Elias moves closer to the man, plopping his ass down the bed beside Ibarra.

“Oh, you’re back.” Ibarra grabs the paper bag from the other and starts pulling out the Pringles.

“So…” Elias asks him, motioning to his cellphone. “What was that all about?”

 

“ _Labas tayo?_ ” Ibarra asks, not even sparing a glance at him. He was too busy making a mess of the 7-Eleven paper bag.

“Excuse me?”

“ _Labas tayo_?” Ibarra repeats, plucking the lid off and stashing his hand into the tube. He wastes no time devouring the sour-cream and onion Pringles.

“What?” Elias is still looking confused. “Where?”

“’S Shngrl ‘DS!” Ibarra’s mouth is filled.

“ _Oi,_ I don’t understand what you’re saying. Stop trying to steal my title of Fat Ass for a sec.”

Ibarra grins as he swallows the food in his mouth.

“I said,” he says, emphasizing his syllables. “ _sa Shangri-la EDSA._ ”

 

Elias eyes would have popped out of his skull. “Shangri-la ED- _Punyeta,_ Ibarra, I don’t have any money on me right now-!”

Ibarra’s grin grows wider, and Elias swears he looked as devious as the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.

“You’re forgetting. I’m your _rk_ boyfriend. You’ve got the two things any man would need in a relationship: money, and…” Ibarra winks lewdly, as a joke, and if it weren’t for his newly-discovered feelings, Elias would have scoffed it off. He feels his face heat up, _dammit,_ either he was offended or that _wink_ just did these things to him…

 

“ _Shet, namumula ka na diyan?”_ Ibarra prods, grinning at him.

“S-shut up.” Elias looks away, and the other laughs childishly. Ibarra was so _insensitive_ sometimes. “ _Ano ba meron?_ ”

“ _Sweet sixteen ng bebe ko_!” Ibarra answers with a squeal.

 

“Wait up! WE’RE SPENDING HER SWEET SIXTEEN IN A HOTEL?!” Elias asks, disbelievingly. “My God. _Hindi pa ‘yan debut, ta’s ganyan na…_ I’ve associated myself too much with the illustrious _rich kid_ crowd.”

Elias stands abruptly, pointing an accusing finger at Ibarra. He doesn’t understand if he’s getting riled up about this because his philosophy didn’t exactly agree with that, or because this whole damn THING was basically a proclamation of Ibarra’s devotion for Maria Clara. “And what are we going to do? Get rooms worth a whole lunch buffet for 50 families you’d find scattered around Quiapo?!”

 

“Woah, dude, _calm down._ ” Ibarra says, raising both hands in a non-threatening gesture. The smile that seemed so permanent on his face just a while ago has been replaced with an exasperated look. “ **I’m** the one who thought of this whole Shangri-la plan. (Of course, I’d want to be a special mention for when my dearest Maria Clara thinks back to this important day in her life). Why do you seem so angry? _Grabe,_ it’s not like going to hotels is illegal. Also, it’s not like I don’t try to _not_ help those people. I mean, I have the same stand as you. I’d help them in a blink. But that shouldn’t mean I can’t enjoy my life at all.”

 

As valiant as his efforts were to donate to charity (Ibarra’s rich, as we’ve established) and help the indigent, this was where they differed in philosophies, obviously. Elias tries to ignore his building anger.

 

_This is why this whole thing was a bad idea from the start. You never fall in love with someone who already has someone else, Elias! You give them too much power over you. Everything you’re going to talk about will end like this. Tignan mo, Maria Clara lang pinag-uusapan ninyo kanina, and now, pati ibang kinapipikunan ninyo, lumalabas. Dios mio._

Elias holds his tongue then. He’d rather not lose Ibarra in both philosophical and friendship/romance?/whatever-they-had aspects.

 

“I know what’s going through your mind.” Ibarra sighs, as if he _did_ actually know. “I know we don’t exactly have the same thoughts on this, and I know you’d rather have me donate that money than use it to go to Shangri-la. But, c’mon. Think of it as a parting gift.”

Ibarra looks up at him then, moving his seat so that Elias stood directly between his legs. He continues. “I’m leaving this place _tomorrow._ And something tells me our fake relationship would end soon. There are a lot of openings for me to take, especially now that Maria Clara’s suddenly _so near…_ ”

 

_I’m near to you now, Ibarra._

Elias swallows. He shuffles his feet closer. Discreetly.

 

Ibarra blinks slowly. “I want to spend at least _two more days_ with you, Elias. And Maria Clara… she’s… she’s _here, she’s already so close, just let me-_ At least let me have that. It’s against your alignment, okay, so go ahead. Take this against me. _Anything._ I don’t want to fight you, I don’t want to have to explain how important you are for this plan to happen… Just let me have this.”

 

Elias can’t back out. Not now that Ibarra’s looking at him like that. Not now that Ibarra’s trusting him enough to be an important part of his plan. Not now that Ibarra needs him.

Not now that Ibarra’s so _close…_

_How could this diablo make me so damn confused?_

 

“…fine.” Elias huffs, stepping away from Ibarra. Ibarra looks confused as well, but he smiles, relieved. “Oh my God, Elias you’re a hero, I really thought-”

Elias cuts him off. Grabbing his towel, he rushes to the bathroom. “I’m taking a bath.” He slams the door shut.

 

Elias hates Ibarra. He hates how the man seemed to know how weak Elias got when he smiled at him, or tilted his head, or _looked at him like that_ \- Elias hates how he took advantage of him without even meaning to. Elias hates how Ibarra twisted him like a useless ragdoll; something mindless he could use to do his bidding. His blood boils just thinking of that stupid smirk.

 

_He doesn’t even understand what he does to me. But he does it anyway._

_And even then, it’s all for Maria Clara…_

Elias hates it. He hates himself so much. He hates Ibarra most of all.

But he cannot stop the wistful glance he makes towards the bedroom door as he heads into the bathroom.

* * *

 

“Yeah. Two adjoined tower premier rooms. Charge one of those rooms with a plus 1 adult fee. Yes, then a separate executive room for two. Thanks.”

Ibarra smiles at the lady behind the desk. Walking away, he suddenly yelps when he feels a hand swat his butt. “ _Aray!_ What the hell-?”

Sinang squeals excitedly behind him. “You got a room _na sa inyo lang ni Elias?_ OH MY GOD. Remember, don’t be too noisy! Always bite the pillow, _iho!_ And if you ever need oil-!”

“Sinang, _Diyos ko,_ stop!” Ibarra laughs. He pushes the girl playfully (He doesn’t actually say anything to refute that, though , Sinang thinks). Out of the corner of his eye, though, he sees Elias standing at a corner with their luggage, looking grumpily toward the elevators.

“ _Hay, nako_.” Sinang comments, slinging an arm over Ibarra’s shoulder. “Trouble in paradise, I see? He’s been staring at that elevator for like, 25 minutes now.”

“Yeah.” Ibarra answers, sighing. “We just had a little… disagreement.”

 

He remembers how Elias slammed the door of his bedroom the day before. He remembers how angry Elias seemed when he said they were going to Shangri-la for Maria Clara’s sixteenth birthday.

 

_He made it sound like going to the hotel was a bad thing! We already did that, before. Once. Why’d he make it sound as if doing it this time would result to world hunger or something?_

_I thought we got over this. I thought we were over fighting each other about our differences in belief. Why would he bring that back, like some petulant child?_

_Did I do something? Is he getting mad at me for something else?_

 

Ibarra clears his throat distractedly. “What about Maria Clara? How is she?”

 

Sinang maneuvers them to look at the opposite side of the room. She points to the girl, who was currently looking outside the lobby. “ _Ayun._ Waiting for Linares. She invited him over, but he hasn’t shown up yet.”

Ibarra scoffs. “Well, if he does, I hope he brings his own money. I’m not paying for his room!”

Sinang laughs. “ _Ay, nako_!Always was the possessive one, _no,_ Crisostomo?”

The man grins. “You know it!”

 

He doesn’t feel the way Elias’ stare burns into the back of his head.

* * *

 

A knock on the door. The girls’ noise quiet down as they all stare at the source of the sound.

Maria Clara stands up from her bed, walking toward the door. With a sly smile, she throws Pringles humorously at her friends who tease, ‘ _Oi,_ maybe it’s Linares!’

When she opens the door, though, she sees Ibarra grinning at her.

 

“Ah, Crisostomo! What’s up?”

“Maria! Girls!” the man starts excitedly. “ _Tara_ , let’s go to the Heat Restaurant! Early dinner treats _daw_ ; they’re serving all kinds of stuff. It’s just downstairs!”

“Maybe there’s sushi!” Victoria says suddenly.

 

The G5 rush out the room, hyped. They run down the hall to the elevators, snickering and laughing all the way. Ibarra is then left with Maria Clara.

 

“O, let’s go?” Ibarra says, offering his arm to her.

“Hmm. Where’s Elias?” She looks down both ends of the hallway, as if expecting the silent man to be standing somewhere there. “You didn’t bring him with you?”

 

Ibarra forces a smile on his face. “Ah. He’s just in our room, fixing our stuff…”

In truth, Ibarra didn’t really want to talk with Elias. He seemed so hostile… And he didn’t really want to talk to hostile people unless he knew what started the whole ordeal.

 

_E ano nga ba naging simula nito? I just told him to come with me here. How is that a bad thing? Kasi it’s about Maria Clara this time?_

_God, I don’t want to deal with this right now._

“Nevermind him.” Ibarra says, shaking his head. “He can just catch up with us later.”

Maria Clara tucks the room key into her pouch, closing the door firmly. Instead of walking toward the elevators, though, she walks farther into the corridor.

 

“Hoy! Where are you going?” Ibarra asks, pointing opposite of where the girl was going. “The elevators are over there.”

“I know, silly!” Maria Clara looks back at him, and smiles at him sweetly. “You go ahead. I’m getting Elias!”

* * *

 

This was how Ibarra found himself beside the love of his life, Maria Clara, with a grumpy looking man glaring at the pool outside, sitting across him. They were currently seated at a table situated beside the veranda, closed off from the indoors with a glass wall.

“So… how did you ask him out?” Maria Clara whispers to Ibarra, starting, taking a bite of her food. The girls beside her are busy talking with each other, loud with their words, which was a big contrast to the square Elias, Maria Clara, Ibarra, and Sinang made.

“Who?”

Maria Clara giggles. “You idiot! Elias! How did you ask Elias out?”

Ibarra scratches the back of his neck slowly. “It’s not really something I can explain, Maria…”

 

Sinang watches the two whisper to themselves. The two giggle then, and start talking again. It was so awkward.

She tries to ask help from her friends to make a more group-friendly conversation, but the three suddenly stand up.

“We have to get more food!” one of them proclaims, giggling, before they all disappear to the buffet tables.

 

She watches Elias look at both his food and the pool alternatingly. He munches his food silently, not a sound from him.

 

 _There is something wrong here,_ Sinang thinks to herself.

 

Ibarra whispers something. Maria Clara giggles again. The man grins at her charmingly, winking.

 

_It was as if his boyfriend’s not even there!_

Elias then stands up, and for the first time since that night, he makes a sound. “I’m going outside.” He walks away.

“Ah, do you want us to go with you, Elias?” Maria Clara asks, already standing up from her seat.

The man is already too far away to hear her.

 

“Don’t mind him, Maria. He’s just going through something.” Ibarra says, pulling her down to her seat. Maria Clara does not budge.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go with him.” Sinang says, smiling reassuringly at her friend before stalking off after Elias.

* * *

 

_I can’t believe that he’d just be so… carefree… about all of this. Kung makapaglandi sa iba, akala mo naman…_

_It’s not like we were a real thing. I know that we’re not._

_Pero… wala lang ba sa kanya ang halos apat na buwan na AKO ang kasama niya?_

Elias closes his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. With an uneventful sigh, he opens his eyes again and trudges on, close to the pool perimeter. He watches the calm waves of the water, admiring how the light from the surroundings reflected on the liquid.

 

“Elias?” a gentle voice calls, cutting him from his reverie. He raises his head, and sees one of Maria Clara’s friends walking toward him with a slight smile on her face. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

The girl grins, stretching her hand toward him. “I’ve never actually talked with you before, _no?_ I’m Sinang.”

Elias stares at her for a moment, before taking her hand to shake it. “Elias. But you probably know that by now.”

Sinang laughs. “Ah, yes. Who wouldn’t know? I’ve heard a great deal about you, _Legendary Elias._ You’re called the _Badass of the Third Years_! Pushing the level rep off his seat just as he was about to launch into a tirade about our incompetence… Yeah, you’re cool, alright. And you’re part of that Math thing-”

“Trigonometry.” He supplies.

The girl’s mouth may have been bubbling by now. “Yeah, that special class thing! You’re pretty hot _pa_ to boot!” Sinang slaps him while squealing.

 

Elias’ mouth curls up. It was somewhat flattering to see that someone from the “higher groups” actually noticed him. He watches the girl look up at the sky contemplatively. _She’s actually very pretty_ , he thinks. _And she’s talented. I’ve heard things many great things about her as well._

“It’s hard to believe you’d end up with Crisostomo, though.” Sinang suddenly says.

 

Elias flinches at the name, which thankfully, the girl does not notice. He’d rather not talk about Ibarra right now.

He sighs suddenly, when it occurs to him: _you promised him._

“Ah, yes. I never thought I could end up with him, too.”

 

The girl looks at him then, smiling.

“You’re too insecure about yourself! _Grabe naman ‘to._ A lot of people like you.” Sinang holds his hand, laughing. “ _Tignan mo nga,_ Crisostomo wasn’t able to defend himself from your charm, too! Don’t put yourself down.”

 

Elias could almost laugh. _He’s charmed by me, you say, but you don’t even know it’s just a joke. And even then, ako yung naloko._

_But… what if I’m actually not meant for him? He’s higher than me. He’s the most famous kid in our school, and everyone loves him, he’s the kid everyone wants to be, and I’m…_

_I’m just me._

He remembers the way Ibarra’s eyes shine when he smiles. He remembers how he sounds like an idiot when he laughs, or how messy he ate (especially noodles). Elias thinks about how beautiful he was- how beautiful he acted, and how beautiful he thought.

They would never see eye to eye about things, that was for sure, but Crisostomo dreamt of things and aspired to reach them for the sake of others. He wasn’t the rich kid brat Elias thought he was- _okay, maybe he was_ \- but he was different. He wasn’t like the others, who ignored the people’s pleas of help, or those who enjoyed the anguish of the fallen. He was selfless. The way they thought wasn’t even close to each other, but he knew, Elias _knew_ Crisostomo was one of them- one of the good guys.

And he was sure Crisostomo knew that, too.

 

And here Crisostomo was, asking for Elias’ help. What does he do? He takes advantage of their friendship for a _stupid_ cause that would never happen, _whatever he does_ -

“ _He’s too good for me_ ,” Elias chokes, without even meaning to voice out the words.

 

“ _Hay, nako._ Elias. You have a serious inferiority complex, I swear.” Sinang grips his hand tighter. “I just honestly meant you guys didn’t seem to be friends, but not because you’re anything lower, _God, no._ I only meant, aren’t your families supposed to be against each other?”

Elias merely nods. He keeps his eyes away from the girl.

 

_You have no right to get angry at him, Elias. You promised him this, and you got yourself in this situation._

 

“It’s admirable, actually.” She continues. “Opposing families… _Parang Romeo and Juliet lang.”_ Sinang giggles.

Elias cannot find it in him to do so. He was too busy stuck up on his guilt.

_What if… this was never supposed to happen? God, Elias, you stupid-_

Yet even as the girl asks, “What do you like most about him, Elias?”, he still cannot stop the way his mind thinks of Crisostomo.

 

_This cannot be wrong._

_But it is, Elias, it **is** -_

_No, it’s not! How can liking someone like this be wrong at all?_

_Because it is! You’re both men, for God’s sake-_

_And when did that ever stop anyone?_

_It stopped Ibarra from liking you back!_

_No, it’s because he has Maria Clara-_

_And you think that makes it okay, then? To think about his smile, his eyes, and everything you’ve fallen in love with him for, even when you know he’d never even **think** of you that way back?_

_And so that makes it wrong? It makes it wrong that he’d never feel the same way? Pagkakamali siya sa panig ko, pero mali ba? Hindi naman, ‘di ba?! Dahil ba hindi niya ako mamahalin kahit kailan, ibig sabihin ban a mapipigil ko na sarili ko sa gusto kong mangyari? Nakiki-ride na nga ako sa birong ‘to, e. Pati ba naman puso ko, bibiruin ko?!_

The noise in his mind recedes then, with the only thought in his mind being, ‘ _Magsisinungaling ka pa ba?’_

_Magsisinungaling ka pa nga ba, Elias?_

“I like…” Elias clears his throat. “I like his hair.”

“ _Ha?!_ You dated him for his hair?” Sinang laughs.

 

He continues, as if Sinang wasn’t there. “…And his face… And his smile…” He remembers how they had a movie fest a few days ago. “And his stupid movies…”

“And his fucked-up priorities. And his needs. His Pringles addiction. His voice.” Elias blushes. “His hugs.”

 

He looks up the sky. What was the point in lying about this anyway? He loved Juan Crisostomo Magsalin Ibarra.

That was that.

 

A star twinkles. Elias is reminded of Ibarra. “And his eyes.”

Sinang stares at him as he keeps talking.

 

“Those eyes… Those eyes that shined for me, but then… sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one he does that for.” He looks back at the ground. “I know I’m not.”

He’s whispering now, as if admitting such a secret. And it was, for him, because he never thought his affections ran so deep.

“He’s humble. He’s just as rich as Victorina, but look at him. He’s… he’s just so… Crisostomo.” Elias laughs. “There is no way of explaining it.”

 

“He’s beautiful. He’s amazing. And what I love, most of all, is that-” He feels the tears building in his eyes. It hurt too much- having to pretend he’s happy, even when Ibarra was with Maria Clara now- but he had to. He _promised_. He looks at Sinang, puts a wide grin on his face. “-he’s mine.”

 

“ _Hay nako_ , you stupid idiot! Why are you crying?” Sinang rushes toward him, quickly wiping away his tears. “ _Grabeng teleserye ‘to. Kailangan umiyak talaga? ‘Di na tuloy ako sure kung sino top sa inyo._ ”

Elias breathes. Despite his hurt, it felt somewhat better to have let all those emotions out. He mumbles. “Thank you.”

“ _MTB na talaga kayo ni Crisostomo. Grabe._ ” Sinang giggles. “Super dramatic moment: check. Better boyfriend now: check. I swear, his girlfriends before only seemed to want his money or his social stat. I asked one of them once the same question, and you know what she answered? She said, ‘Because he took me to France!’ and that was the moment I realized Crisostomo would never be safe.”

Elias rubs at his swollen eyes.

“Thank you for coming into his life.” She says, ruffling his hair.

Elias smiles at her. She leads him back into the hotel, hand in his.

 

They stop suddenly, when they’re just in front of the restaurant’s door.

“I would’ve thought you guys were bluffing, though, because you’ve never called him Crisostomo. You always just say Ibarra. And he seems okay with that, even if he preferred to be called all these corny baby names in his past relationships.” Sinang says.

She smiles, squeezing Elias’ hand. “But with what you just said, I know there are real feelings involved here. You’re probably his first _real_ relationship. I can’t tell you how happy I am _na kayo na._ ”

Elias swallows. “Let’s go?”

“Okay!”

Sinang pushes the doors open.

* * *

“We’ll just go to the washroom. You gonna be okay there, Elias?” Maria Clara says, standing in sync with Sinang.

Elias forces a smile on his face. “Go ahead.”

The girls leave, giggling at something they see on their way out. The man left on the table sighs.

 

Ibarra comes back, holding two plates in his hands. One had multi-colored macaroons, while the other had a blueberry cheesecake slice.

 

“Oh. Where’d they go?” Ibarra asks, placing the plates on the table and moving to sit down.

“ _Banyo._ ” Elias answers simply, looking away in favor of gazing at the pool outside. He sighs.

 

Ibarra doesn’t ask anything else. He just grabs his fork and starts eating his cheesecake.

 

The silence is awkward and stifling. Ibarra clears his throat to get rid of the quiet, and he discreetly glances at Elias.

The guy’s looking at him, but looks away again as he realizes he’s been spotted.

 

A few seconds more of silence.

Ibarra sighs.

 

“Look,” he starts, pushing his plate away, suddenly losing his appetite. “I don’t know what spurred this on, and frankly, I don’t want to know. But… I won’t stand this.”

Elias looks at him then. He expects a rant or a verbal grieving on Ibarra’s part, but is shocked to see the man’s holding out a macaroon toward him.

“I’m sorry.” Ibarra says sheepishly. “Whatever it is I did wrong, I hope you overlook it. You’re not worth losing.”

 

Elias says nothing at first, only stares inquisitively at the macaroon inches away from his face.

“ _Isa lang_?” he asks humorously, and Ibarra struggles to conceal his laughter.

 

“No, you idiot, you can have the whole plate.”

 

Elias lunges forward and takes the macaroon in between his teeth. Chewing, he mumbles. “I’m sorry, too.”

 

Ibarra takes his hand, and laughs. “We’re idiots.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [HAI HAVE A REALLY SHITTY ACCOMPANIMENT PIECE FOR THIS WEEK'S UPDATE](http://selfies-oftheshitty.tumblr.com/post/116379615092/some-accompaniment-art-to-a-fanfic-lol)  
>  Maria Clara and Sinang are my girl crushes for lyf.
> 
> SO BASICALLY. Aalis na dapat si Ibarra nang Friday. Two day thing in Shangri-la, right? (Sat and Sun) Bitter end ng Sunday (Elias probably goes home before the night ends), and Ibarra gets his stuff on Monday. They probably get together on Tuesday? IDK. 
> 
> Una, sorry kung puro tagalog! Alam kong dapat Eng. Fic 'to, pero mahirap ipaliwanag ang feelings sa English 'pag Pilipino ka e, e. Tsaka mas dart sa heart-esque ang dating ng Filipino huehuebells.
> 
> Okay, so I tried to reflect a bunch of things here. Do you remember the conflict Elias had about Ibarra being an Eibarramendia, but also idolizing and respecting/liking him? And he goes kind of crazy and he hates himself and everything, but still likes Ibarra enough to save him in the end. Yeah, that happened in Noli. Well, I tried to replicate that, but having Elias’ feelings and Ibarra’s devotion to Maria Clara + Ibarra’s conflicting philosophy as the two clashing ideas for his conflict. And in the end, he still likes Ibarra. Huhu. I’m really trying hard to show original things from Noli in a newer/more-angkop-sa-AU way. I hope halata naman. In a way. I crie. Anyway.
> 
> Gusto ko lang rin sabihin, (I’m obviously getting a bit too defensive of my scenes) totoo yung when you talk with someone you like about the person they like rin, it ends up with angry feels. Like kunwari, si A gusto kay B, and si B gusto kay C. When A talks to B about C, B ends up gushing about C and A just gets fucking pissed off and suddenly naghuhugot wars na sila in which they end up fighting about other things na rin that weren’t actually involved with the whole ‘B loves C’ thing. And then A ends up getting angrier and angrier at B until masira na relationship nila forever. Yeah. It’s real. #hugot #personalexperiences W’OKAY.
> 
> SINANG IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL. TSAKA, OO, NALANTAD ANG ISA KO PANG SHIP. ELINANG. KAHIT HINDI NAMAN TALAGA SILA NAGKITA, PUNYETA, I THINK MAGANDA YUNG DYNAMICS NILA TOGETHER. BUT IT’S NOT LIKE THEY HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS. I CREIE.
> 
> And yes. Elias is so damn insecure. Kung ‘di mo pa ‘yan nahinuha from the orig Noli and from this fanfic, aba malay ko na ba sa’yo.


	11. "Ano ang gagawin ko?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOY. DO YOU STILL REMEMBER ME? YES, I'M STILL ALIVE. HAHAHA. Sorry for the delay, people. :3 Sana 'di pa kayo nawawala.
> 
> Nilagyan ko ng konting additional tidbit yung last chapter, so check that out first before you continue with this one! Tsaka, please beware, medyo patapon chapter ‘to ugh. ;m; I’m better at dialogue than at actions, so this chapter is really… shite. sorry nalang!
> 
> This is basically the counterpart of the ‘Elias and Salome’ chapter sa Noli in the sense na I thought this chapter was pretty useless kasi they just do their normal homo drama, you know. xD
> 
> Chapter 11’ (alternative title: the one where they sigh and close their eyes and look away a lot)

“Why are we even doing this?”

“Ssh! I’m just trying to remember.”

 

Ibarra accidentally steps on Elias’ toe.

“ _Aray_.”

“I’m sorry!”

 

The classy music plays on from Ibarra’s phone.

 

“No, put your foot to the right.”

“Like this?”

“No, the other one. No, there.”

 

Ibarra struggles to correct his footing, tapping his foot on different parts of the carpeted floor. His leg suddenly brushes against Elias’ own, and he almost trips if it weren’t for Elias’ grip on his shoulder.

 

“This is so unfair!” he whines immaturely, squeezing Elias’ sides as he tries to gain balance. “How do you remember this, and I don’t?”

“Muscle memory,” Elias suggests, shrugging. He sighs when he sees Ibarra pout. “Okay, why don’t I just lead? You’ve been leading for the last five minutes, and we’ve had no progress so far.”

“Sure.” Ibarra sighs.

 

Almost immediately, they switch. Ibarra puts his other hand on Elias’ shoulder, with Elias’ own against the curve of Ibarra’s back. The sudden push moves Ibarra’s body flush against Elias’.

“Oops,” Ibarra comments sheepishly, grinning, adjusting with a little more distance between them. He squeezes the hand linked to his own.

 

“C’mon, you’re wasting time.” Elias says instead, fighting to keep his face impassive. “Move your left foot back.”

Ibarra follows, as Elias steps forward.

 

“Tell me what you’re doing as the lead instead.” Ibarra requests. “I’m going to lead my dance with Maria Clara, anyway, I might as well know how to dance as the lead.”

“Right foot forward, left foot out, close.”

 

Ibarra follows the opposite of what Elias says, keeping their dance uninterrupted. Elias repeats it like a mantra.

“Right foot forward, left foot out, close.”

 

They dance clumsily at first. Ibarra would sometimes step on Elias, which he would giggle at before completely forgetting in favor of staring at his steps. Elias would then look away while still reciting their movements.

 

After the second verse of the song, Ibarra finally gets the hang of it.

Elias’ voice is soothing against his ear, he notes unconsciously, even as he repeats words that have no significant meaning anymore.

 

Ibarra clears his throat when Elias’ voice trails off.

 

...

 

The mood is light between them, Ibarra notices jovially, a great contrast to when they first came here. He remembered how he avoided the man like the plague earlier, not even informing him of the dinner he told the girls of.

And now they were friends again.

 

Ibarra notes how it was basically Maria Clara who brought them back together again. With a slight smile, he is filled with a sense of pride and admiration for the woman.

 

He peers at Elias, then, who was too busy looking at his own shoes to notice him.

Still, even now, he didn’t know what it was that angered the guy.

 

_Maybe he doesn’t want to continue with this whole ‘faking thing’. Maybe it’s getting troublesome for him._

Ibarra cannot help but feel guilty. Looking away, the hand pressed against Elias’ tightens.

 

_Don’t worry, Elias. I won’t let you suffer any more. I’ll find a way around this._

 

“You’re doing great.” Elias comments, cutting Ibarra off from his reverie. Their eyes still trained on their own feet, Ibarra is sure the other man does not see the frown on his face.

“Thanks,” he says, “But give me a few more moments to really get this.”

“Sure.”

 

…

 

“Sinang talked to me a while ago,” Elias says, trying to start a new topic for discussion.

“Oh? How’d you find her?” Ibarra asks, their movements never missing a beat.

“Kind,” he replies simply.

 

The current song fades away, and is replaced by a familiar tune.

 

“ _Uy,_ this song. I love this song.” Ibarra comments. “O, go. Continue.”

“She may be catching up on our bluff.”

 

“Ha?!” Ibarra looks pretty distraught when he looks up at Elias.

 

Their feet tangle together suddenly, and Ibarra yelps in surprise. They almost fall to the ground, but in their adrenaline, they managed to hold each other upright.

 

“Wait, what’s happening?” Ibarra asks with a grimace, untangling his legs from Elias’ own limbs. “The dance steps don’t go with the music.”

“Must be a change of time signature,” Elias says, holding Crisostomo erect as the man moved away from him.

“ _Hala_. What do I do then?” Ibarra scratches his head. “I’m planning on dancing Maria Clara for her birthday tomorrow. I can’t dance 3/4 if the song is 4/4.”

 

Elias looks at Ibarra.

The man is frowning, his eyebrows scrunched together. And he seemed so worried.

Worried about Maria Clara…

 

He sighs.

_Bakit ba ako nagpapauto?_

Elias lunges toward him, grabs at Ibarra’s hands, and places them both at his shoulders. “You improvise.” He says, resting his own fingers just above the man’s hips, and sways them slowly in sync with the beat.

For the first time since they started dancing, they acknowledge each other with their eyes.

 

Ibarra looks shocked, but nods belatedly in acknowledgement. His eyes are transfixed on the other, at his unprompted act, and Elias holds his gaze.

 

“Are you okay?” the larger man asks.

“Hmm?” Ibarra mumbles, distracted. He suddenly snaps out of his trance, looking down. “Oh. Yeah. I’m good. It just seemed really… spontaneous.”

“Well,” Elias starts. “Spontaneity would get you things you’ve never imagined.”

 

Ibarra sways along with him, their feet perfectly lined together as they step from side to side.

 

“Not that I’m a big fan of that,” he whispers, as if revealing a secret, “but sometimes you just don’t stop yourself from doing what you feel like.”

He pulls himself closer to Ibarra.

 

“So… What do we do here?” the man asks, just as quietly, and Elias could swear the man shuffles closer toward him.

“Just sway.” Elias says, and suddenly his tongue feels too thick in his mouth. “You don’t have to worry about Maria Clara. You’re a wonderful person. She’d like you either way.”

“Hm.”

 

Ibarra, on one hand, lets himself rest his head against Elias’ chest. He listens to the steady thumping of his heart, and for some reason he feels his own burst.

Elias, on the other hand, tries not to read into the carelessness Ibarra seemed to exude at the mention of Maria Clara, in favor of dancing with him (even putting his head against his chest). But he does.

He can’t help the way he reads into this whole thing, either. How Elias was the one who saw Ibarra behind the scenes. He saw Ibarra’s perfections at the times he tried so hard to prove his perfection to a girl who was probably too ignorant to see.

He reads into everything. And he dreams. He hopes. It was inevitable.

 

He was a man of hope, of course, and he knew it would become his downfall.

 

“So,” Ibarra starts again. “What about Sinang? Where’d she get that idea?”

“I never call you Crisostomo, she said.”

 

Elias rests his chin on Ibarra’s head. Their bodies press against each other.

In the cold of the air-conditioned room, he feels Ibarra’s warmth, and he accepts it wholeheartedly.

 

They are quiet for a moment.

 

“Why _do_ you do that?” Ibarra questions him then. “Why _don’t_ you call me Crisostomo?” The man glances at him from below his eyelashes, curious.

_Because it would only make this lie feel more real._

“Well, if I called you Crisostomo now, her suspicions would only be confirmed.” Elias counters instead. He looks away.

“Okay. Good point.”

 

They say nothing more as they sway slowly to the music.

 

…

 

 _Tranquility_ is how Ibarra would describe the moment.

The music was soft, and Ibarra could hear Elias’ beating heart sing along with it. The dimmed lights illuminated them as if they glowed, and for all it was worth, he did feel like he was glowing.

Elias was a good friend.

 

Of course, they weren’t so warm toward each other before. But now, he couldn’t even imagine a day he wouldn’t see or talk to his dear friend.

 

He’d think about him a lot- sometimes, even more than that, as was usually the case with his propensity to overthink - and sometimes he’d get curious, or a tad bit imaginative. (It all started when Elias joked about kissing him on their first “date”, Ibarra recalls with a slight blush. It was just a joke naman, _Dios mio_. Actually, it started waaay before that, ever since they started pretending to be a thing, kasi of course, you’d expect to get burnt even when pretending to play with fire, right?)

 

Ibarra had a slight tendency to romanticize things, as silly as those things were. It made him too hopeful about things, even if he knew it was dumb to rely too much on that. Ideas weren’t meant to be romanticized. The same went with Elias.

But even if he did (which he does, _a lot_ ), he’d find that Elias would still be the same Elias he’d imagined. The man was basically perfection personified. Okay, maybe not- the guy was a little rough around the edges- but his good intentions and his good acts overpowered that. Romanticizing him at this point was moot, because it would be just like describing him.

 

He was quiet sometimes. He’d usually keep to himself, but Ibarra valued how the man had his thoughts planned out (most of the time). And of course, what else would Ibarra want more than a friend who knew how to think? Elias was no slob- he certainly managed- all thanks to his brain, his brawn, and his wit. And that confidence, most especially, that probably even rivaled his.

 

He liked the way Elias had some sort of priority tag for him- selfish of him to think so, Ibarra was sure- but it was nice to know someone cared enough to treat you that way (even if forced). And it wasn’t like Elias was nothing to him- he cared too much about this guy to back out.

Sure, when this was all over, he’d be sad about ending their fake relationship, but he liked his company so much that Ibarra wanted to keep their friendship and hang out with him with no difference in frequency or intensity whatsoever.

 

_Oo, gusto ko pa kumain sa Manila Hotel o sa Ramen joints kasama si Elias, tanggalin lang muna naming yung label of “boyfriends”. I want that shit out, because I know that some people treat Elias bad because of this whole ‘gay’ thing. He’s probably not even REMOTELY gay._

_We should probably break up soon. Two birds with one stone- hindi na babastusin nila Victorina si Elias, at mapapasaakin na si Maria Clara._

  


Ibarra felt so conflicted. He wanted one thing, but he was sacrificing something else for that. And as much as he hated how Elias was 'suffering', they were so close to the goal now. It was just a matter of waiting it out.

_Don’t worry, Elias._

_It will be over soon._

_…_

There are a million things he wanted to tell Elias now.

Ibarra closes his eyes, breathing deeply.

 

“I’m sorry,” is all he can muster right now.

 

“For what?” Elias mumbles directly to his ear.

“For everything,” Ibarra says, and he moves his head to look at the taller man. “For all this.”

 

Elias stares at him remorsefully.

Ibarra laughs, trying to lighten the mood. He humorously adds, “ _Baka ‘di ka na nga nakakakuha ng_ lady action _mula nang sinimulan natin ‘to, e._ ”

The man just stares back at him, saying nothing.

 

Ibarra suddenly feels defeated; he feels as if Elias is looking at him solemnly because he’s remembering, right now, all of the inconvenience Ibarra brought on him. He feels as if Elias is feeling exasperated because of him, but the man was just too respectful to say anything.

“I’m really sorry,” Ibarra repeats, now with a serious expression on his face. “I’m such a screw-up.”

Elias remains silent. He doesn’t stop swaying with him, however.

 

Suddenly, a hand gently pushes Ibarra’s head back down Elias’ chest, and he lets it happen.

He closes his eyes once more, and sighs.

 

“Funny you’re the broken one,” Elias mumbles, and if Ibarra wasn’t so close to him now, he probably wouldn’t hear.

Then it hits him: _he was singing along with the lyrics._

“…but I’m the only one who needed saving.”

 

He says nothing else. Ibarra keeps his own mouth shut, engrossing himself at the steady thump of the man’s heart.

 

“…Don’t worry,” Elias whispers after an eternity. “You’re not the only one.”

 

Ibarra can’t help the grin that marks his face. Elias was too kind sometimes. Ibarra didn’t deserve him.

He was selfish and he knew that. But at times like this, he just couldn’t contain the thrill and the happiness of having someone like Elias.

 

He laughs slightly. “So you’re a screw-up too?”

 

He hears Elias sigh deeply.

“You don’t even know.”

 

They sway still, quiet and slow in sync with the piano.

 

…

 

“Why do you keep doing this?” Elias cannot help but to ask.

 

Ibarra’s arms around his neck, the shorter man leans his head against his collarbone. If he moved any closer, Elias was sure the man would hear his heart screaming for him.

“Hm?”

 

“What’s the point of all this?” Elias asks again, and he cringes when he himself hears the persistence in his voice.

He couldn’t help it. This was so damn confusing.

 

_Ibarra always said that this fake relationship we have was just a façade in order to get closer to Maria Clara._

_But who sees him like this?_

_He tries too hard to look perfect for her. But who sees him in his entirety?_

_The woman never saw him, even in his good points._

Elias knew he was being unnecessarily bitter. But it was so unfair.

 

_Ibarra, you one-track minded idiot…_

 

“Maria Clara, of course.” Ibarra says, darting his head up to look directly at him. Elias cannot fight the way his teeth clenches.

“Why?”

 

Ibarra looks at him skeptically, as if that was a strange question to ask. And it was.

 

_Elias, calm down._

 

“She’s… she’s beautiful.” Ibarra murmurs. “She’s my best friend. My treasure. I know, I never treated her right before… I left her, and that was wrong. But I’m back. I’m back to make things right.”

 

Elias fights the urge to scoff.

He understood that, in the long run, they were both just competitors in the same race that waited for no one.

 

“Don’t you think it’s too late for that now?” he asks instead.

 

Ibarra stares at him, and for the once, Elias looks away first.

 

“We’ve been friends for so long. And… and I feel like I just threw it all away.” Ibarra admits quietly, his eyes trained on Elias’ arm. “I… I love her. I’m responsible for her. I want to be perfect for her, I want to be the reason for every single happiness in her life. I want to be the reason she smiles, the reason she’s happy… I want to be the reason.”

 

“…”

 

“Look at me.”

 

And when Elias does not move, Ibarra gently cups his face, leading the man to look him in the eyes.

 

“Have you ever felt that?” he whispers then, and Elias tries to hold his gaze. “The need to be someone’s reason?”

 

 

Ibarra’s eyebrows are scrunched together once again, and he looks like he just might cry, or he was in pain- whatever it was, Elias does not care, because all he understands is how this _hurt_ Ibarra.

 

He wasn’t the only one.

 

He smiles, instead- and Elias hates how he’s fallen in love with something so fragile, so precious, something so beautiful, something so _broken-_

 

“I want to be her reason.” Ibarra sighs.

He looks away.

 

 

Elias lets go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

* * *

“Great practice!” Ibarra says, patting Elias’ chest a few times before moving away from him. “It wasn’t perfect, on my part, but it would do.”

The shorter man looks at his watch, making a tsk tsk sound as he sees the time. He grabs his sweater, and walks toward the door.

“Elias, I have to go. I have to meet with Sinang and the others for the surprise tomorrow night. _Ando’n na raw sila sa tapat ng Bakeshop,_ and Maria Clara’s asleep.” He waves. “Thanks, dude! And, don’t wait up; I have my key card.”

Elias smiles half-heartedly at him. “You’re welcome.”

 

Ibarra smiles at him before he hears the door shuts close.

…

 

In his solitude, Elias acknowledges: _I am in deep shit._

He was so screwed.

Elias loved Ibarra; well, it would be naïve to say so, to say it was _love,_ but everything the man said about Maria Clara was exactly what he felt for him.

And that should’ve meant something, right?

 

That’s what he’s always thought. Ever since Day 1, that’s always been what’s ruled him through it: _it has to mean something._

He wasn’t someone who believed much in chances, but sometimes it was like his mind never understood the difference between hope and desperation.

 

He’s always let that stupid motto get to him: _it has to mean something_.

 

But did it, really?

Did it mean _something_?

 

Did it mean something, when Ibarra was not even a foot away from him, looking like the galaxies in his eyes had lost their life? Did it mean something when all he saw, all he seemed to think about was Maria Clara?

Did it mean something when Ibarra’s left him again?

 

Yes, it did. It meant _everything._

Everything that meant Ibarra wasn’t in love with him.

 

Elias could almost cry.

He was an idiot to think it would come out the other end.

 

 

He wishes he could leave. Forget all this, and just live life like he used to.

(Bitterly, he wonders, _how did I live life like I used to?_ Punyetang Eibarramendia.)

 

A million possible choices come up for consideration: should he leave? Should he stay? Should he play the idiot knight who saves the other idiot knight running after a damsel who’s not even in distress?

…Should he steal the damsel?

 

Some are considerable. Some are funny. Some are just plain stupid.

But one thought comes into mind.

 

And he swears then, he will do whatever it takes.

 

Elias will do anything. He’ll let go of him, he will forget all this, he will let his dream and his chance go, he will help Ibarra cross oceans for Maria Clara, even if it hurt himself-

anything to never let Crisostomo look so broken again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the lack of pedantry! I’m shit at stories, and much to my dismay, it shows. After EXTENSIVE editing on my part, akala ko maganda na yung chapter, ‘yun pala deins. Sorry!
> 
> Sometimes the feels get to me before I can even write the scene, so I guess my ability to write something more detailed than the initial, “putangina tas nagsayawan sila tas halos umiyak si Ibarra and shit ok it was sad” is a blessing in itself. #TaoRinSiAuthor
> 
>  
> 
>   
>   
> Tsaka… another episode of DEFENSIVE AUTHOR-SAN!  
> “Why do they feel so touchy now? Ang OOC naman ng moment na ‘yun, hmph!”  
>  
> 
>   
>   
> COUNTER:  
> Impulsiveness! (‘Pag may nangyayari talagang ‘di ma-explain ng characterizations nila, paki-bintang niyo nalang sa impulsiveness lol) They’re impulsive characters nga naman, okay, as evidenced by Elias hitting a horse (actually, not really), or Ibarra trying to SLICE DAMASO WITH A DINNER KNIFE, OR TRYING TO KILL THE PERSON YOU LOVE MOST DAHIL SA PANGALAN LANG AWSUS MY BBYS. ;-;  
>  
> 
>   
>   
> So yes, they’re impulsive people, and if you had a tender moment na may pa-dance-dance pang nalalaman with another person, you’d probably make subtle landi back din, okay. Huhubells. ;m;  
>   
> Also. I went #elibarra surfing on Twitter. Whoever the hell has the sprinkly-shiny pink-ish ‘my illustrado ass is otw to ur crotch! ;))))’ cover photo needs a high five.
> 
> Lol yun lang. Forgive me for the long-ass note. Happy crying-in-your-emotional-turmoil! Sorry ulit sa late update. Pero expect na na the next updates will also be late HAHAH kasi medyo busy kami this coming May. Hay. HAHA. Well.  
> Thank you!


	12. Tear Flavored Kitkat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UHM. HOW DO YOU-
> 
> HOW DO YOU FANFIC.
> 
> -
> 
> Uncharacteristically short chapter update, but meh. It is what it is.

“O! You’re here _na pala_! I’m sorry, did I keep you waiting?”

Maria Clara smiles at the man currently reading the day’s newspaper. Seated at the table beside the glass of the restaurant’s veranda, Ibarra smiles back and puts away the reading material. He motions to the food on the table, dishes he most likely got from the breakfast buffet tables in the middle of the room.

Maria Clara seats herself at the chair across Ibarra’s, roaming eyes on the delectable treats. She tucks a stray group of hair behind her ear, which Crisostomo watches in awe.

He clears his throat. He looked like a creep.

“No, no, not at all. Where’re Sinang and the others?”

 

“Ah, they wanted to go swimming before eating. “ The woman grabs a muffin and bites it. Chewing, she looks around, before asking: “Where’s Elias?”

“Ah, he’s over there.” Ibarra points his lips toward the veranda. Lo and behold, they see the man in question standing by the ledge. He has bread crumbs in his hands, tossing them carefully toward the pigeons in the surrounding area.

 

When Ibarra looks back at the girl, he sees her head tilted to the side, smiling adorably while looking at Elias.

“Aww! Look at him!” Maria Clara points at Elias, trying to make Crisostomo focus again on the man outside. “He’s so cute!”

Crisostomo shakes his head humorously. Like the birds, Maria Clara’s obviously being charmed by Elias. _Hook, line, and sinker._

And it wasn’t like he was doing it out of a motive. He was just really that way. He was just being… himself.

 

_Only goes to show how truly beautiful Elias’ character was…_

Ehem.

 

“Hoy.” Crisostomo says to the enthralled girl, in a warning tone, though still humorous about everything. “Stop that. Ikaw, ah. _‘Pag ikaw, nafall…_ ” Unlike the girl who looks like she might blow up any second now, he calmly sips his soup while looking at her.

 

Maria Clara laughs then.

“ _Oo nga pala. Baka magalit si boyfriend,_ no?” She takes another bite of the muffin. Even as she chews, Crisostomo could make out the playful smile on her lips. “Sorry, Crisostomo. You know _naman na_ Elias is yours, even if many other girls try to hit on him, or think he’s cute, etcetera.” The girl grins widely at him. “Don’t worry about losing him.“

“Sus. I’m not worried about that.” _I was worried that I would lose you._

 

Crisostomo says nothing more, and Maria Clara follows suit. The two engross themselves in their own tasks, Maria Clara with her muffin, and Crisostomo with his renewed attention toward the folded newspaper, falling into comfortable silence.

 

“ _Pero, ah_.” Suddenly, Maria Clara clears her throat. “You’ve been avoiding my questions about Elias too much.”

Ibarra looks at her again, inquisitive. “Hm?”

“You’ve always been prancing around my questions.” The girl’s eyes narrow slyly. “What’s with you two, ah? Something’s up.”

“It’s nothing.”

Ibarra refocuses on the paper in his hands.

“Hoy, you’re no fair!” MC frowns childishly at him, slouching in her seat and looking away. “I thought we were friends.”

 

Crisostomo grins, unbeknownst to the woman. _This is my opening._

“Okay, I’ll tell you a secret.”

 

Maria Clara squeals, bouncing in her seat excitedly as Ibarra leans toward her. The man motions for her to move closer, which she does. He then brings his hand up to cup her ear, whispering…

“ _Me and Elias were never a thing._ ”

 

The girl draws back, appalled. “What?! Crisostomo, if this is a joke-”

He reads the newspaper again, eyes away from the frantic girl, trying to look nonchalant about it. “No, I’m telling the whole truth.”

When he looks back at the girl, he sees her expression. “But… but your tweet! The date-”

“It was a joke, of course. Well, not really. But people can have _platonic_ dates, you know. I’d go out with my dad sometimes and we’d call it dates.”

 

Maria Clara tries again. “You called him your boyfriend…”

Ibarra tries not to look smug as he counters. “Well, the first time you introduced me to Sinang, you called her your _girlfriend,_ but I don’t think that’s what you meant, right? _‘Di mo naman trip ang babae, ‘di ba?_ ”

 

Maria Clara’s expression falls as it occurs to her the validity of what Ibarra was saying. Her eyes stray away from him, visibly trodden. “You have a point…”

 

Ibarra smoothly continues, finding another opening for prodding, while also emphasizing his argument. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re not into girls. _Ang alam ko nga…_ guy, right?”

Maria Clara’s eyes dart toward him. “Let’s not talk about him right now.”

“Oh, no,” Ibarra starts. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Crisostomo.” Maria Clara’s tone rises in warning.

Ibarra smiles at her teasingly. “You’re no fair,” he imitates. “I thought we were friends.” He waggles his eyebrows at her and smirks.

 

In his playfulness, Maria Clara suddenly bursting into tears was the last thing he expected to happen.

His ass jumps up from the seat faster than he’s ever did in his 15 years of existence.

 

“ _Holy sh-_ Maria-” Ibarra grabs a bunch of napkins lying on the table, running around the table toward her. He motions frantically at the waiters to bring her juice or milk or coffee or anything- anything _to make her stop crying-_

“Oh, my God. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t know, _I didn’t know_ -” He has her in his arms right now, cradling her, embracing her close. In the chaotic nature of it all, he can’t help but mentally thank the other hotel guests for their non-“morning person” attitude and its consequential lack of person in the breakfast buffet’s dining hall right now.

 

“ _Diyos ko,_ I hate you so much,” Maria Clara laughs, as if amused by her own unexpected reaction. “Me and Alfonso just broke up.” She sighs in explanation. “Can you believe? Over the phone, just yesterday night…”

She brings one of the napkins up to her face to wipe messily at her tears. Ibarra moves away to give her some room. “Then now, you’re telling me that you and Elias were never a couple? _Ay,_ if you only saw the banderitas I had at home in honor of your ship… _Pero_ you looked so contented with him, I was so happy for you.”

Ibarra cannot help the eyebrow that darted up. _What exactly does she mean by that?_

Maria Clara sighs, frustrated, but light-hearted about it nonetheless.

“So… Elias is available?” she says humorously.

 

“Stop it.” Crisostomo answers in the same tone. The girl giggles, and Crisostomo cannot help the way he leans into her and brings her into another embrace. Maria Clara snuggles into the crook of his neck, crying again.

“I missed you, Crisostomo.”

 

“I miss you, too.” He kisses the top of her head. “Don’t worry. I’m going to take care of you.”


	13. aMPALAYA FLAVORED KITKAT (kasi bitter pero sweet BUT WE ALL GOTTA TAKE A BR8K SOMETIMES AND THIS IS BASICALLY THEIR COOL OFF TIME)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ERMERGERD. I'M SO SORRY, TANGINA, SORRY SUPER TAGAL NG UPDATE. I SWEAR. WE HAD TO PLAN MY DAD'S BDAY PARTY THEN I GOT SICK THEN ENROLLMENT AND PLANNING FOR THIS ONE WEEK VACATION AND AHH. I'M SO SORRY. :((( Pero at least meron na ngayon. :D Have a mediocre update yeheeey!! <3

“ _Break na tayo_.”

 

Elias darts his eyes toward Ibarra, who was sitting across him on the chess set.

 

They were on the carpeted floor of their shared hotel room- Elias, on his part, was sprawled comfortably only a few seconds before, until Ibarra’s moment of unexpected declaration that suddenly made him tense up.

His mouth stayed open, the need to feed on unhealthy junk food and carbonated soft drinks (supplied by the other’s _magical maleta,_ of course) forgotten in the spontaneity of Ibarra’s words.

 

In the silence of it all, the Pringles chip that fell from his fingers sounded as loud as the bombing of Hiroshima- _and it might’ve been_ , considering how shocked and apprehensive he felt inside.

 

“Ex- _Excuse me_?”

 

Ibarra grins widely at him then, unaware- and for the first time, the brightness of his smile makes Elias scowl involuntarily.

“ _Break na tayo!_ ” he shouts giddily, launching himself carelessly onto Elias’ own body.

 

In the process, he knocks down the chess pieces on the board, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he laughs hysterically. He knocks down Elias, too, then jumps around the room like a child on Christmas day.

 

Ibarra springs toward the bed and rolls around excitedly, before running back to the taller man (he even stepped on a chess piece, and judging by the lack of _ouch_ , Elias thinks the man was too happy about this- _and he should be, Elias, because this is what it was all about anyway, right? Tangina, akala mo ba tungkol na naman sa’yo? Ha? Umasa ka pa sa wala, umasa ka pa sa wala, **umasa ka pa sa wala** \---)_

“Break na tayo! Break na tayo, breaaaaak na ta-a-a-yoooo~” Ibarra singsongs while on the man’s lap, hugging him elatedly and even kissing his cheeks. Elias wouldn’t have minded that, if it weren’t for the end this whole damn thing entailed.

His face remained stoic, body unresponsive to Ibarra’s ministrations, too hung up on the fact that,

 

_this was really the end of it, huh?_

_What kind of idiot were you to think it would come out the way you wanted it to?_

_Tanga. Tanga. Tanga._

_Hindi ka nagtiwala sa tao dati pa. And what made Ibarra so different, ha?_

_What made him so different?_

 

Straddling Elias, Ibarra coaxes him down the floor with giggly kisses and thrilled laughter. “ _Pare, naiintindihan mo ba ako? Break na tayo! Shet!_ ” Drunk in his own joy, Ibarra does not even notice the tension in Elias’ muscles when he brings him into a tight hug. “ _Pare!!!_ ” He rolls off the bigger man afterwards, earning an _oof._

Crisostomo sighs contentedly on the floor, smiling as he let his eyes close. “Oh, my God. Everything is going just great. _Just great._ I couldn’t have asked for anything better.”

 

Elias sits up slowly, still somewhat unbelieving.

 

“So…” he starts, as if to clarify. “ _Wala na tayo?_ ”

Ibarra laughs at him childishly, throwing the Pringles chip from before toward Elias’ face. “ _’To naman!_ We’ll still be friends, don’t worry about it.”

 

_Don’t worry about it._

_Don’t worry about it?_

 

Don’t worry about it, he said. Elias huffs, because somehow- _somehow-_ he heard an entirely different thing.

 

_Don’t worry about it._

_Don’t worry about me._

_Don’t worry about practicing this waltz with me._

_Don’t worry about sleeping beside me anymore._

_Don’t worry about the room that would seem so empty once I vacate it and leave you._

_Don’t worry about all the times I seemed to lead you on, about the times I flirted with you only to tell you it’s because we’re friends._

_Don’t worry about the songs we covered together, either in your room playing cards with your sister,_

_or under the setting sun’s fiery sky._

_Don’t worry about our ‘dates’, Crisostomo, kasi apparently it meant nothing to you._

_Don’t worry about how happy you made me, Crisostomo, because that was never the point, was it?_

_Don’t worry about how you almost- you almost kissed me before, and how I-_

**_-I almost let you-_ **

He can’t seem to make his throat work. When he tries to speak, explain in the most reasonable and understandable way for Ibarra to understand, and probably find a way out of this, he can only swallow.

 

He sees the worry mark in Ibarra’s eyes once he realizes that his friend wasn’t exactly on the same page as him.

“Elias-?” he asks softly, as he sits up, holding out a gentle hand to him.

 

_And now you’re asking me to hold your hand?_

_Now that you’ve-_

_you’ve forgotten me?_

 

**_You can’t-_ **

He sees an image of Crisostomo, his Crisostomo, _sweet, dear Crisostomo, letting his hand go to hold Maria Clara’s open palms-_

And at that moment, Elias feels the rage build in him. It works its way up- from the heat in his chest, to his tense shoulder blades, to his constricted throat, and up his head- _up his head, where everything was so confusing, where everything tried to mean something even if it didn’t, nothing did anymore **-** until he couldn’t take it-_

**_You can’t just let me go._ **

 

“So, _ano?!_ ” He yells out angrily.

 

Ibarra jumps from his position, shocked by the sudden outburst. “El-”

 

“ _Mang-iiwan ka na lang basta?!_ ”

 

Ibarra stares at him, disbelieving. Elias takes this time to stand up, pacing agitatedly around the room.

 

“… _Tol naman…_ ” Ibarra stands after him, trying to calm his friend. He didn’t quite understand what caused this kind of reaction from Elias, and it infuriated the other even more.

“ _Ano,_ ha? What are you going to say?” Elias says, stopping in front of Crisostomo. “ _’Friends pa tayo, broski!_ ’” he imitates, the mockery and sarcasm dripping thickly from his voice.

 

Ibarra takes this as an offense. “ _Hoy!_ _Bakit ka ba ganyan, ah? ‘Di na tayo magkukunwaring bakla, ayaw mo ba ‘yun?_ ”

Elias clenches his jaw, willing himself to shut up. Shut up. _Shut up._

Ibarra looks down, sheepish at his own sudden outburst, but angry nonetheless. _“Akala ko naman magiging masaya ka para sa’kin, Elias. Tsaka pagkatapos ng lahat ng panglalait na tiniis mo…_ I thought you wanted this, too.” He stares at Elias. “ _Ano bang kinapipikunan mo, ah? Pinagpaguran natin ‘to,_ and it’s done! We don’t have to deal with this bullshit anymore!”

 

_So, all this time- all this fucking time- it was just bullshit for you._

_Pinagpaguran natin ‘to- so that was it, huh? Pagod lang siya sa’yo? Hindi man siya blessing, or something you liked, or something you at least treasured kasi ako rin naman yung nakuha mo-_

_Wow. Great._

_Great._

 

Ibarra tries to reach out to Elias again, but the taller man snaps his hand away. The frustration gets to him.

“ _Diyos ko, Elias,_ what the hell?” he shrieks, without a care of who heard them right now.

 

He just didn’t get it. Honestly. This was supposed to be a happy time for them, wasn’t it? Elias didn’t have to pretend anymore, he was free, goddammit-

Why were they even fighting like this? Elias was beyond trivial problems. Ibarra would give anything in the world just to make this guy happy, because he really deserved it. He knew how hard Elias’ life was, and he treasured their unlikely friendship because it meant he could make it at least happier and brighter for him. The same went with this fake relationship. He tried to find a way out of it that would make it less of a hassle for Elias, and here it was, _presented to them on a fucking diamond-studded platter_ -

But now he felt like absolute shit. Elias seemed so angry about this. And he couldn’t help but feel absolute shit toward Elias, too, because what the fuck was he so angry about?

(He did have a habit of hating both himself and the person in question at times like these.)

Did he want the perks of the richkid boyfriend? Well, he could have the richkid perks, even as friends! He could eat out with him still, go to fancy restaurants more frequently, even, because the hassle of being thought of as something romantic wasn’t there anymore.

It wasn’t like he was leaving him-

…Well, maybe to a point, he was.

Crisostomo personally thought he was taking advantage of Elias’ kindness. And it was wrong. Especially when he may have had questionable thoughts regarding the said man.

From the start, he knew it was wrong. He was taking too much… _fun_ (if he would call it that) out of a fake relationship. The servitude of someone who understood said parameters. The practice he got from all this. The forwardness it allowed. The unnecessary, and most especially, inappropriate dreams.

All swept under the guise of a ‘fake relationship’.

 

Ibarra was no idiot. He understood somewhat- _had an inkling of what was there, at least_ \- but he never really wanted to ask, because it might ruin something that they were already sure of.

And he was pretty sure that in those whole four months, he was the only one who felt _that-_ but even then, it would only be in the most unguarded of times. Elias was far too noble, sacrificial- _heroic-_ to be as low and screwed up as he was in the head.

But now…

 

He watches the curved brows of Elias twitch in slight annoyance.

_Heroic._

_Sure._

Exasperated, Ibarra rubs his head. “ _Anong problema mo?_ ”

 

The anger in Elias flares once more, because really, _ano nga ba problema mo, Elias?_

_You said you never wanted to see Crisostomo hurt again, you said you were ready to let go, so why are you holding on?_

_Dapat nga masaya ako- masaya na ‘di na ako kailangan magkunwari, ‘di na ako matatawag na bakla, beki, paminta, fag- dapat masaya ako, putangina, masaya ako dapat pero ang sakit kasi ‘di ko naisip na ganito, ganito, **ganito na naman, wala na naman-**_

_Putanginang Eibarramendia, akala ko okay na, akala ko makakalabas akong hindi nasaktan, akala ko maaayos na ang mga pamilya namin- sa totoo lang, itatanong ko dapat sa tatay ko pagka-uwi niya from abroad kung pwede bang ayusin ‘to, kasi alam kong Crisostomo was worth the risk, he was worth the fight, pero putangina, para saan pa ba kung sira na rin naman ngayon?_

_I can’t even tell you to ‘stay’, because it’s so obvious you want me to leave._

_I can’t tell you to stay, because I’m not like you, I’m not like you who can convince people otherwise, I’m not like you who’s too beautiful, too kind, too perfect to be listened to…_

_Thanks for doing this._

_Stolen!_

_I enjoyed today._

_I don’t actually know…_

_No homo!_

_Let it out, I’m here._

_Akin ka na lang, akin ka na lang… Iingatan ko ang puso moooo~_

_This is my boyfriend! Haha!_

_I’m willing to go lengths to be able to have her…_

_Please, Elias, let me stay with you._

_You want?_

_Maybe next time._

_…why I’m acting like this right now._

_Let’s get this show on the road._

**_Do I still think highly of you, even in the situation you’ve put me in?_ **

He feels the tears building in his eyes. But no. Not now- not now that Ibarra’s weakened him already.

He scowls. Grabbing his jacket, he heads toward the door.

 

“Wait,” Ibarra starts, reaching out again and trailing after him. “where do you think you’re go- _Elia-_ ”

 

The door slams shut on his face.

* * *

 “Sir, more water?”

 

Elias smiles at the waitress, shaking his head. When the lady leaves, he brings his eyes back to the large window, admiring the replica of nature outside.

He stares at the water. Somehow the sight of it calmed him. It was a great break from the stress of the implications of their pretend relationship.

 

The singer was great, too. (There was a singer too, before, in Manila Hotel? She sounds like the person singing now.)

It soothed him, how the woman sang softly and yet enveloped his being all the same.

Just like…

 

He sighs.

Elias didn’t have a clue on what to do. Not even a full 24 hours into their last reconciliation and they were fighting again.

 

Is this how it was supposed to end for them?

Jealousy wasn’t something he was very acquainted with, but anger towards something you used to love was what he thought was the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.

 

_Isn’t there another way around this..?_

Ring ring.

 

Elias eyes his cellphone, laid across him on the table. He picks it up, cringing as he reads the bright notification.

 

[1 Unread Message from C. Ibarra]

 

_Maybe he’s texting to tell you what a huge jerk you were, walking out on him like that._

Elias cannot help the train of thought in his mind. _Maybe he’s worried. Oh my God, what if I made him worry-_

_No, no, maybe he’s just texting to tell me how much I don’t matter to him. Maybe he’s just going to tell me that his life is much more amazing with me not there._

_Maybe he wants to say sorry, but he can’t, because I am being a huge jerk about this? What if I’m pushing him away too much? God. I’m a failure._

He runs his fingers through his hair, sighing lightly.

 

_He doesn’t deserve the pain, he never deserved it, and he never will._

_Crisostomo never deserved any of this._

Elias rushes to the elevators. He thanks the waitress serving him, hurries toward the lobby and into the elevator hall. _I need to say I’m sorry, he never deserved this, he never-_

[Open Message]

 

_**C. Ibarra: Hey, Elias! This is Sinang, sorry, Ibarra’s medyo preoccupied at the moment. I didn’t know your cp number rin, so he just let me use his phone.** _

_**C. Ibarra: Anyway, come over to our room! It’s 461. Sabi niya tinuruan mo raw siyang sumayaw, ah, nakers pare ko!!! Kilig af!! :-bd :-bd Sinasayaw niya si MC right now, and we have this legit mood-setter lighting on, and the music is great.** _

_**C. Ibarra: We have Pringles! Punta ka na so you can have Ibarra’s last dance. Eyy, you know you want to. Wenk wenk. ;) ;) ;) Try ko lang agawin si MC sa kanya, (both figuratively and literally) HAHAHA!! Secret lang ah. ;)** _

 

Elias cannot help the audible groan he makes, even the thump his head makes toward the elevator door once it closes.

 

Once again, he romanticizes Ibarra. Thinks of Ibarra as the guy who always needed to be saved. Thinks Ibarra was as innocent as he looked; thinks Ibarra is always there for him, the same way he _always_ was for that stupid, ungrateful, _short man-_

Why couldn’t he just accept the fact that Ibarra was just like the others?

_(And what made Ibarra so different, ha?_

_What made him so different?)_

 

He wasn’t any different.

 

In the first time since those four months of being with Ibarra, he feels tired. He feels tired, and drained, and _cheated._

_I never asked for this to happen. He comes into my life, and somehow, I find it hard to let go. He’s not what I thought he was, but the truth is something my brain won’t have for now._

_Damn my stupidity. Damn my naivety._

_Damn my hope._

_“I just want to go home.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TSAKA OMG. I'M GOING TO THIS BEACH ROOM-ON-STILTS THING SA JUNE 1 AND WOW I THINK WE'RE GOING BOATING?? HOLY SHOOT OKAY. I'M GUNNA ELIAS. I'M GUNNA ELIAS AND IM GONNA JUMP AND PEOPLE ARE GUNNA SHOOT ME AND I'M ALSO GONNA DOUBLE-BODY ON THE BOAT SO IM GONNA BLEED IN SALT WATER AND CRY IN A BOAT IS THAT OKAY
> 
> JESUS
> 
> WHEN THE FINAL UPDATE COMES IM AFRAID I WILL HAVE TO SPAM YOU WITH BANGKA PICTURES. KASI. GDI. BANGKA. PARE. BANGKAAA.
> 
> real talk. legit: and no, people. when u get rocks in the road called your chemical romance, you don't damn yourself ah. especially your hope. your hope is the tormentor, but also the motivator in which u get ur shit right, or wrong, but basically ur shit in general. so no. don't damn yourself :) Life is a school book. Everything is part of a learning process, and nothing can be blamed for "failure" that will eventually lead to your "success".
> 
> That being said, we kind of get an idea of what tone this fanfic will be ending in... :3 UNLESS I KILL EVERYONE. HA HA HA. HA. HA. 
> 
> Thank you!! :3


	14. "When Will I See You Again?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled, (What) Do You Want (From) Me?
> 
> We can infer from this alternative title that this chapter will be filled with so much confusion and angst. HAHA. HAHAHAHA. 
> 
> Warning: You're gonna die in this Ilog of feels called Angst and mountains beyond we refer to as Bulubundukin ng Tsundere. Magdala ng salbabida. O 'di kaya'y salakot.
> 
> Disclaimer: Angst too strong, characters may be slightly OOC.
> 
> Copyright meh: Inspired by Noli me Tangere, created by Dr. Jose Protasio Rizal Mercado y Alonso Realonda (who probably had no idea his literary works would spark another kind of revolution among the Filipino Youth HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH #teamnolife).  
> Name for Elias' sister created by Bukkun, I just borrowed it. ...Is that illegal, since I have no permission? Erm... Please educate me about this, anyone, and I will do necessary action. c:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY. OH MY GOD. LAST UPDATE AMIRITE. HAHAHAHA. I tried to make this last, but I don't think it's fair to keep you too far away from the update that you'd lose interest. So... TA-DA. Rock it! 14/14! Yaaay! 
> 
> Well, it's been great writing for you guys! Thanks a lot for all those who kudo'ed and commented and the few who actually bookmarked? (Meron ata.) Haha! You guys are a great bunch! [Obviously an obligatory last chapter AN huehue well.] There are a few inconsistencies in the story I sincerely hope you overlooked, but otherwise I hope you enjoyed reading/feeling/dying as much as I enjoyed creating/destroying your sense of humanity. c: More importantly, I hope you see some parallelisms in the fanfic and the novel, but it's all up for analysis anyway, and you can analyze it from any angle you'd be favorable to. Also, I hope you learn a few life lessons yadda yadda yak.
> 
> So, here it is! Don't forget to comment if you can, and ask questions if ever there are things that confuse you about the story. Thanks for joining me in the creation of this mega trash! You're awesome! (I might re-write this, or make a sequel about the domestic college dorm life they share together if I get the free time. Which, I imagine, would be almost a decade into the future. HAHA, sorry.)
> 
> Anyway, I suggest you read it again from Chapter 11 for a sense of continuity in the story line (baka kasi Panahon pa ng Hapon ang huling nabasa), but that's alright, it's your choice anyway. Enjoy!
> 
> *Best read while eating Pringles

“I’m back.”

 

Ibarra shuts the door gently. Without turning the main lights on, he makes his way toward the lamp on the desk. He curses silently when he stubs his toe on the corner of the bed, but continues on his way and turns the light on.

His eyes widen- not just because of the sudden glare of the brightness- but by the emptiness of the bed.

 

“Elias?”

* * *

“ _Sino ‘yan?_ ”

The girl peers from the gate, squinting eyes focused narrowly on the person. Her posture is stiff, confident- _intimidatingly so_ \- but she shuffles in her stance as she recognizes the face.

She suddenly feels awkward, standing there in her black _sando,_ boxer shortsand her fluffy owl slippers. _Too awkward._

 

“Oh.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “ _Kuya Crisostomo_.”

 

Ibarra forces a smile on his face. He feels the aura in the air. _She knows something._ “Hi, Elisa.”

Equally as uncomfortable, he flits the paper bag from one hand to the other, before holding it out to her in the most self-conscious of ways. She looks confused.

“It’s for you,” he explains sheepishly. “Elias may have mentioned something about wanting to bring you macaroons, but he might’ve burnt it somehow…”

 

He swallows when Elisa does not even respond to his joke. The air is thick- _stifling-_ and Crisostomo feels as if all his relationships then were meant to be doomed, even this one with Elisa, just because of _Elias, Dios mio-_

“Thank you.” she says, sincere in her gratefulness. Elisa moves to take it from him, and when she says nothing more, they are reduced to silent staring.

 

“Uh…” She starts again. _Oh my God, what the hell is this._ “…You’ve come to get your things, I’m assuming?”

 _Oh, yeah. Your things are still there. Right._ Ibarra mentally slaps himself.

 

He forgot that- in the dread of yesterday, in their hotel room- when the empty bed seemed to stare right at him. “Yeah. Can I come in?” He darts toward the open gateway, continuing, “Is Elias in here?”

He needed answers. Everything was getting more confusing by the minute.

 

“No-! No, I’ll get it for you, _just stay here-_ ” Elisa almost yelps, all too quickly, blocking his way- and Ibarra draws back like his face had been slapped. He understood.

By the way Elisa stood, and talked to him, and by _how Elias didn’t want to come out at all-_

 

Elias didn’t want to see him anymore.

 

“Oh.” Ibarra says simply, but his mind is filled with even more questions. _Why? Why doesn’t he want to? What’s happened to him? To your friendship? To your relationship?_ But he fights not to say anything out loud.

_The same charade all over again? You’ve angered him. You’ve done something, and he doesn’t want to have anything with you anymore._

_He’s probably sick of you- sick of your jokes and the signs you naively give out. Landi mo, putangina. Pati ba naman ‘tong matinong tao na ‘to, siniraan mo pa ng relasyon sa’yo._

_What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just accept that you’re a failure? Jesus, Ibarra, take a hint._

Somehow, the answers didn’t matter anymore. That was it.

 

He was being rejected.

 

“I’ll…” he breathes. “I’ll be here.”

Elisa eyes him warily, sensing the change. And again, she says nothing. She lingers for a few moments, walking back into the house, feeling Ibarra’s eyes follow her in.

 

 _'Will you tell Elias I stopped by?'_ is what he wants her to tell him, but he says nothing either.

* * *

“ _So, ayun_. We were in the Ferris Wheel, and I was there, ready to puke my guts out, when suddenly he brings out a bouquet of flowers from nowhere!”

The girls squeal at the usually shy Victoria’s story, and in any normal day, Ibarra would be making fun of them (playfully, of course). Today was no such day.

His face was impassive, no emotion at all in the creases of his eyes or the curve of his lips, his hands lifelessly clamped against Maria Clara’s soft ones.

 

He just didn’t get it.

 

_What is he being angry about?_

_What right does he even think he has to not give me a decent reason?_

_I thought we were friends, goddammit. What happened?_

_So we fought a lot. It all started when he didn’t want to go to the party at all. Is EDSA Shangri-la a trigger to him? Manila Hotel was fine, it was totally okay with him! He even seemed to be enjoying himself that time! What made it different?_

_Was it because of the girls? Is he anti-social? Well, he and Maria Clara seemed to be getting on fine; they are classmates after all. And he seemed to be okay with Sinang as well._

_What if he likes one of the girls? Oh God. And that girl is under the assumption that he’s gay…_

_I just cockblocked him. Oh, my God. After all he’s done for me, I repaid my debt by cockblocking him?! You’ve taken any semblance of relational normalcy from him! All because of your own selfishness! Oh, Dios mio._

_N-no, that’s impossible, Ibarra… Elias isn’t the type to just be swayed like that by you. Calm down. Think of it from a more reasonable perspective. Reasonable perspective._

 

_…Reasonable…_

“-rra? HOY, CRISOSTOMO!”

“ _HA?_ ”

“ _Lutang hits!_ ” Sinang exclaims, thwacking Ibarra on the side of the head.

"Ow! What gives?"

“We’ve been calling you for the past _eternity_. _Anyare sa’yo?_ ”

“I… I was just thinking about something!”

“Hey, look,” the ruthless girl continues on. “We get that you’ve been in a fake relationship with Elias for the past how many months, which I don’t believe by the way, but that doesn’t give you any excuse at all to stare into nothingness as if he were there with you! Most especially when you are blessed with such great company such as ourselves!” she jokes. Shamelessly, she flips her hair.

 

Ibarra does not argue.

 He cannot argue now. He feels too weak.

 

Maria Clara senses how Ibarra is totally out of his game. He, like the others, enjoyed the daily dose of banter with Sinang. Obviously, not this time.

 

Tenderly, she requests, “Girls, can you leave me with Crisostomo for a moment?” in which they do.

“Crisostomo,” she starts tenderly, facing him, when they are alone. “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.” Maria Clara feels Ibarra’s hand tighten around hers. He smiles tightly. “I’m with you. Why else would you think otherwise?”

 

The girl looks down to her lap, sigh almost inaudible. Ibarra cannot help the way he is drawn by the subtle curve of her eyelashes, or the glowing softness of her cheeks. She’s always been so _beautiful_ …

“Crisostomo,” she starts again. “You can’t continue doing this to yourself.”

“Doing what? Pursuing my happiness?” He squeezes her hand again.

“No. By all means, please do." Maria Clara stops. Continues after a beat, treading carefully with her words. "...But there’s a difference between pursuing your happiness and pursuing what you think was meant to be. Please. Don’t make this any harder for you.”

“I think I’m old enough to know the difference.” He says stubbornly.

 

Maria Clara only sighs again. “There was a time I was just as naïve as you are now. Good thing I’ve changed. I can’t say the same for you.”

Crisostomo looks away.

 

“Hey,” she says delicately, bringing a hand to his face. She leads him to look at her, holding his gaze as contrastingly as her hold. “Okay, I'm sorry. Low blow. But what are you so afraid of? Are you afraid I would hate you if you did anything?”

 

Ibarra swallows. _What has he been so afraid of?_

_What’s that one thing that makes you feel so scared-_

_What’s it that makes you feel like you have to atone for something you failed to do?_

“I-” Ibarra swallows. “I don’t want to lose you again.” He admits quietly.

 

The girl merely smiles. “And you won’t, Crisostomo.” she says resolutely, chidingly to a point. “I’ll _always_ be here. But you can’t keep yourself in the dark just because someone you care about is there.”

Crisostomo is rendered speechless.

 

“If you see the light,” she continues, “then by all means, follow it. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be leaving me. That doesn’t mean I’ll be leaving you.”

She messes his hair, something she remembers he’s always hated as kids. It makes her laugh. _Cachupoy._ “What are friends for anyway, right?”

 

“Maria, you have nothing to worry about. I’m okay,” Crisostomo says quietly; even now, he fights. Maria Clara imagines a lone soldier on horseback in an empty war field. Blind to the blood around him. Somehow, she feels he's saying it to comfort himself, rather than to assure her. “You are my happiness,” he says again, more weakly this time.

She feels the faltering pulse of his hand on her. She removes her fingers intertwined from his.

 

“No. No, you’re not,” she answers, unwavering as he was feeble, and standing up from the benches, she brushes her skirt into neatness. “Don’t tell me you’re okay. We both know what a horrible liar you are.”

She bends over him then, kisses his forehead, and walks away.

* * *

_Wow. Great move, Ibarra. Iniwan ka na rin tuloy ni MC._

_Tangina naman kasi, anong pinaggagawa mo? Katabi mo na nga mahal mo, kung sino pang papoging pacool pa-aloof effect pang tanga iniisip mo. God, paporma lang naman ‘yun._

_Ano naman kasing pakielam mo kay Elias? Kung ayaw niya sa’kin, e’di ayaw ko rin sa kanya. If he can hate me for no apparent reason, then I can, too. Akala niya kung sino siyang mambibintang, pero mang-iiwan rin pala-_

_ULUL! Gagong walang alam. Walang pakinabang! Sinungaling!_

_…_

_Tangina, okay, sige, kasalanan ko naman talaga e. Ano ba namang pinaggagawa ko… Hindi naman doll si Elias na mabibili ko nalang. Tao rin siyang may iniisip. May emosyon. Ako naman talaga yung gago. To think na binalewala ko yung katulad niya…_

_Kung ano mang dahilan ang pagkagalit niya sa’kin, pakiramdam ko justified naman. Diyos ko, siya pa. Baka pakiramdam niya hindi ako nakikinig… Hindi ko siya pinapansin… ‘Di ko  siya binibigyan ng sapat na halaga…_

_Ano ba naman ‘to…_

_Ako yung mali._

 

He buries his face exasperatedly into his hands, groaning slightly. “Dammit.”

With an audible _tsk_ , he brings his phone out. _Maybe Ninong Tasyo can help me. He’s always been so accepting, so understanding- and he’s gay, too. (That’s why he’s been ostracized by most people.) But I trust him._

_He can help me!_

Suddenly seized with a wave of hope, he quickly draws on the pattern passcode on his phone, only to stop suddenly at the sight of his wallpaper.

It was him and Elias on their first “date” in Manila Hotel.

 

The wave of hope disappears as quickly as it appeared.

 

He stares at the picture, long and hard. Notices in great detail the way Elias was smiling- so freely, so sincerely- something he’s never seen the man do most of the time. But there he was, smiling, by Ibarra’s side.

And there he was, too. He remembers the feeling of that night. He also notes how ironic it was that the one of the best dates he had was with a fake boyfriend.

 

It feels too real, just looking at it. The smiling faces that showed their joy, the locked arms, the way his heart leapt by the sheer adrenaline of _him_ -

_Ah._

 

Frustrated, he scratches his hair.

_So ako na gago. I get it. Pero sino ba nauna?_

_..._

 

_But he'll never take me back._

* * *

Elias watches the girl dart toward Ibarra’s face. He scowls as the two in the distance make contact with each other. He feels it is too much. He walks away.

_Akala niya kung sino siyang pwede nalang maging masaya ng ganun-ganun lang…_

_Sheltered richkid snob of a douche. Ano namang alam mo sa buhay? Lahat ng gusto mo, nakukuha mo. Malamang, pati tadhana, pagbibigyan ka sa kung sinong gusto mo._

_E ako? Pinilit pa ako ng tadhana sa punyetang katulad mo._

_Bakit ikaw, masaya? At ito ako, walang dinanas kundi hirap dahil lang sa’yo._

_Ganito mo na rin ba ako babayaran?_

_Sa dagdag lang na pahirap?_

_Ang saya nalang ba ng hindi man lang totoo na pagsasama ang kabayaran sa kagaguhang ‘to?_

_Punyeta._

_Punyeta._

 

“Elias,” a voice suddenly greets, jolting the man from his angry reverie. He does not fully let his crooked eyebrows ease even when he raises his head to the voice.

_Ah. Sir Pedro._

The balding man notices the tensioned expression on his face. His warm, welcoming tone immediately shifts to concern. “What’s happened with you?”

“Nothing.” He says all too immediately.

 

“Ah, my dear Elias,” the old-timer smiles pitifully. “For all the time I’ve been your teacher, you’ve yet to understand that you suck at lying.”

He sits down a nearby bench, tapping the space beside him in invitation. Elias eyes him warily, but sits nonetheless.

 

“Tell me all about it, you troubled fool.”

* * *

Elias does not understand why he’s walking. Well, yes, it is to get to a destination- but why to _that specific destination,_ he does not understand. Even more so why he quickens the pace at the thought of him.

 

“ _Pinaglalaban ang mga pangarap sa buhay, hindi iniiyakan! Paano mo malalaman na ‘di para sa’yo kung ‘di mo naman sinubukan?”_

 

That’s what Sir Pedro said. And Elias feels like he should slap himself a hundred times for never actually figuring that out.

 

So what if Ibarra thought he was a creep? An idiot?

At least there would be resolution. And Ibarra wouldn’t blame himself for some kind of stupid reason he’d think was the cause of their conflict.

 

But where was he going?

Well, in reality, he had no idea where he was going. At all.

 

Well, there was _one_ place…

 

_Hindi. Hindi, wala siguro ‘yun._

_Masaya na rin naman siya kasama si MC, I don’t think he’d even ever think of going there…_

But his feet kept leading him- repeating Sir Pedro’s words in his head…

Every single syllable was a motivation for him.

 

His pace quickens involuntarily, as if they had a mind of their own. Soon, he was running.

 

_Pinaglalaban ang mga pangarap sa buhay, hindi iniiyakan. Paano mo malalaman-?_

_Paano mo malalaman?_

 

_Pinaglalaban._

_Buhay._

_Pangarap._

 

Ibarra.

 

Crisostomo.

* * *

Elias feels as if his heart would burst in the next few seconds. Or his lungs.

Mostly his lungs, because, _damn,_ he basically ran through half of the campus in the span of 2 minutes, but his heart- yeah, his heart too. And his tear ducts. And his _soul._

 

_Because there he was._

And he’s never looked so beautiful to Elias.

 

Ibarra was sitting on a bench beneath the _balete_ tree, staring into his open palms, in deep contemplation. Hair flying from all sides, eyes alight with something Elias could see even as far from the man as he was.

 

Curiosity, maybe? Realization?

A new found sense of purpose?

 

(Maybe moisture, my friend. We get you’re in love, but hella, be practical.)

 

Eyes alight or darkened with anger, open palms or fists, contemplation or contempt, Elias didn’t care. What was important was that he was here.

 

_Crisostomo was here._

_He’s here._

Elias could almost cry. Actually, he didn’t know. He wanted to cry, or maybe laugh, or hit a damn horse- and he would, Lord would know he would- if Ibarra didn’t suddenly spot him. The man immediately stands from the bench, preparing himself to walk away.

“Ibarra-” Elias calls out, but the man acts as if he didn’t hear. “Ibarra!” he calls louder.

 

Elias swears Crisostomo is moving away faster.

 

_No. No. Not this time._

Elias runs after him, and overtakes him easily. Awkwardly, Ibarra maneuvers away from him, preparing to escape once more, but Elias grabs his wrist and yanks Crisostomo toward him. “ _Ibarra-”_ he drawls, almost like a plea.

Ibarra is nothing if not stubborn. He refuses to meet Elias’ searching gaze, but yanks his hand away as means of escape. Elias grips him like a vice. Suffice to say, Ibarra does not succeed.

“Stop running away from me,” Elias says, “don’t be a coward.”

 

“I’m not _running away from you_ because I’m a coward,” Ibarra finally answers, breaking his silence. He looks up at Elias and meets eyes, but Elias sees the way they narrow at him. “We just have nothing to talk about here. _Let go._ ”

“There is,” Elias urges, yanking his wrist again, as emphasis, “and you know it. Stop pushing me away.”

 

Ibarra laughs scornfully through his teeth. His voice feels like venom coursing through Elias veins, into his head. “‘Stop pushing you away?’ My God, Elias. _Sino ba nang-iwan sa hotel? Sinong hindi nagpakita ng ilang araw? Wala ka man lang sinabi-_ no calls, no texts, _no explanation whatsoever-_ I’m not pushing anyone away- _you are.”_

 

Elias lets go of Ibarra’s wrist, which was now sore and red. Crisostomo hisses at the sight of it, but his retaliation is cut short when Elias grabs Ibarra’s collar in his fist. Having him _this close-_ he wanted to hug Ibarra, and hit him, and kill him, and kiss him, and scare him closer to him. He felt so crazy right now, so damn crazy, _so unlike himself_ \- Ibarra always managed to make him feel so wild.

“I’m not pushing anyone away, either.” He whispers against Ibarra’s lip, faces too close it would’ve been considered romantic if it wasn’t more like life-threatening. Elias preferred the former, but the adrenaline was too high to backpedal from their path now. “Maybe I just think you’ve been a little too close for comfort.”

 

Ibarra squints in the most threatening way possible, sinking his nails into the flesh of Elias’ backhand in an effort to make the taller man stop. “So now you’re accusing me of being too clingy? _Gago, tangina mo._ I thought we were just being friends.”

He purses his lips in thought, eyebrows drawing together. He adds, a little more silently, "I thought we _were_ friends."

 

Elias grins at him in the most mocking and unsettling way possible. _Fucking dense._ “And it’s never occurred to you that we don’t see things the same way? Stupid, foolish, idiot. You’re too naïve for your own good.” His grip tightens, fingers too close to Crisostomo’s pale _pale_ neck. Suffice to say, this scares the man.

“Let me go, you brute!” Ibarra shrieks, trying to shake Elias off of him. "If I was so wrong for you, then I'm sorry I ever tried!"

 

The taller of the two does not even acknowledge Crisostomo thrashing about.  He merely whispers again.

 “ _Alam mo, sa laki ng ulo mong ‘yan, ‘di mo pa rin maintindihan, e._ ”

 

Ibarra suddenly snaps.

_Tangina nito, fucking self-righteous pig-_

“ _Meron na naman akong hindi naiintindihan, e. Lagi na lang! Putragis, Elias,_ there’s always something in your mind and you never care to tell me. I’m trying so damn hard to understand you. Don’t expect me to get all this in an instant! _Ano ako, manghuhula? Hindi, ‘di ba! Ano ako, taga-Quiapo?!_ ”

In all his pent-up rage, he manages to catch Elias off-guard enough to swat the man’s offending digits away from his crumpled shirt. “ _Hindi ko ba keri, ah? Kaya ba ‘di mo nalang dineretso?_ Is that why you’re not explaining anything? _Hindi ko ba maiintindihan,_ even if you told me?!”

Somehow the fingers sting less than how everything is going.

“ _Isang bagay lang naman iniintindi mo, paano mo naman ako papansinin?!_ ” Elias steps closer, towering intimidatingly over Ibarra’s smaller form. “And now, you’re implying _na_ I’m the one who’s insensitive? _Na ako yung ‘di nakikinig?_ I’ve been at your beck and call for the last 4 months, and damn it, you’re too dense! Four months, Ibarra! _Four months!_ ”

 

The people who initially gathered around to watch the commotion suddenly disperse, not  wanting to see the fight that’s bound to ensue. Almost all students that were there were still under the assumption that the two were still dating, and to them, it was a fight that would lead to a break-up. A very nasty break-up they would not want to witness at all. The students walk father away, but Elias and Ibarra seem to be getting closer and closer, getting into each other’s faces as if it would prove their point better.

 

“ _So ako nga!”_ Ibarra’s voice echoes through the empty space of the East Campus parking lot. “ _Ako naman lagi mali, ako naman lagi ang nagkulang! Ako naman lagi, ‘di ba?_ ”

 

“ _Baka nga ikaw, sarili mo lang naman iniintindi mo, e! Ano ako sa’yo, langaw?_ I promised to help you carry on this- _this stupid joke-_ but it was like I was nothing to you!”

Ibarra tries to punch him, but the adrenaline in Elias is too strong that he catches the fist with his own. The smaller tries to break free of the man’s grasp, but Elias keeps squeezing it tighter, bringing himself closer to Ibarra’s space.

“Even now, you stupid, _stupid_ jerk! You never understood-!”

 

Ibarra screams. If they're going at it like fucking firecrackers, then he might as well find out why. It was all he ever wanted to talk about, anyway. Never any of _this._  “THEN WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING ENLIGHTEN ME?!”

 

 

“I LOVE YOU, ARE YOU FUCKING ENLIGHTENED NOW?!”

 

 

In the middle of a nonsensical scream, Ibarra’s mouth stays open, but the sounds stop coming out as soon as the words register in his head. Elias sees how Crisostomo works his throat to swallow, and realizes belatedly his jaw was slack open before closing it audibly.

 

The silence is awkward.

 

“Y-you’ve… you’ve always been so candid." Elias starts slowly, as if he needed to explain. And maybe he did have to. "With the way you acted and how you talked and how you let yourself smile… And with that, you seemed so genuine in what you did, I just-” he trails off.

 _Say something, Ibarra. Please._ But as he searches the man's eyes, Elias notes the slight vacancy.

“It seems like a stupid reason, I understand,” Elias continues, and suddenly he cannot stop himself. “But it is what it is. I like how you’re _real._ How I saw you in your rawness when you tried so hard to prove to her that you were perfect.”

 

Crisostomo looks down, expression torn as if he cannot believe what is happening right now. He realizes his hand is still in Elias’ and he draws it back quickly, as if he was being burnt.

He hears Elias release a breath. He does not dare look up.

 

He feels the man hesitate. “...I told you once that spontaneity’s basically a means of great things. And I can’t say that this spontaneous act wasn’t great. It’s one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had, in all honesty.” Elias admits quietly. “But this… _problem…_ was just as spontaneous as its source. And that’s what I’ve overlooked.”

“…”

“It doesn’t help I’ve always tried to be hopeful about these kinds of things. I always seem to read into things that aren’t there, you know?"

 

Ibarra does not say anything. But Elias tried. _He has to try._ "I know it was a stupid notion, to think that you would ever fall in love with me," he laughs slightly, breathy, as if it was the most foolish thing, "but I just- I wanted to see you here, and I found you, right by our tree… that’s- _that’s supposed to mean something, right?_ ”

_You have to try._

 

Elias waits for Crisostomo to say something. _Anything._

But he is greeted with silence.

 

_Maybe this is the answer._

 

He tried. He failed. That’s it.

_Take a hint._

_Game Over, Elias._

He turns around, takes a deep breath. Takes a step away. Another.

This was it. This was the end.

 

He would never see him again, never talk to him, or see _Crisostomo smiling at him-_

 

But something stops him. Something pulls at his heart, like an emergency brake, and he just stops.

 

“You once told me that you wanted to be her reason. And you asked me if I ever felt that way,” he says. He does not even look back, afraid that when he does, he wouldn’t have the strength to leave him again.

Crisostomo waits silently for what he has to say.

 

Elias suddenly whispers- _too quietly,_ as if his emotions would come crashing down on him if he spoke any louder,

 

“You were my reason to continue on with our bluff. _I wanted to be your reason for making it real_.”

 

And he continues on his way.

Ibarra does not know what to do. He does not know what to say when Elias takes a step. And another. And another. He just stands there, watching, and somehow he sees his happiness walk away from him.

The world seems to stop for his command- a command he does not even think he can say- but no, he is too aware of how time is running out, of how sand vacates the glass, of how the distance between them grow longer and longer and longer for every single second, every single breath, every single thought that comes into his mind-

 

“-Wait.”

 

-and suddenly it stays the same. Just one word, and it stops.

 

Everything about him stops as well. His feet. His hands. Every breath, every atom, and it just emphasizes the steady beat of his heart.

 

“I thought I loved her, you know,” Ibarra whispers back to him, laughing as if sharing a simple anecdote.

But it wasn’t just that. It was now or never. This was the point of no return. “It turns out I didn’t. I was just afraid of losing someone that was there to stay.”

 

"I don't want you to leave..." Elias turns around when he hears Crisostomo sniffling. With wide eyes, he looks at the tears threatening to spill down Ibarra’s cheeks, staring most of all at the glossy eyes staring right back at him. “ _Stay with me_.”

But Elias sighs. The game wasn’t that simple anymore. He was in love with him. Ibarra can’t just ask him to be his friend, or lie about a relationship he wanted more than anything.

“How?” Elias asks. “ _We can’t-_ ”

“It doesn’t matter,” Ibarra urges, walking right toward the man. “Just stay. Be with me.”

 

“I can’t be what you want.” The taller man says, urgently, and he backs away as if Ibarra would hurt himself if he walked too close. His voice cracks, _almost broken_. Crisostomo notices how his fingers twitch by his sides, as if wanting to touch him.

“I can’t just be your friend anymore. I can’t.” Elias continues. “You’re… _You’re-_ ” but Ibarra puts a finger over his lips before he could finish. Their eyes connect, gazes meeting for a solid second

 

 _“…You’re assuming we think too differently._ ” He says meekly.              

 

“…Wait, _what?_ ”

 

“Ssh.” The finger press faintly against the flesh of his lips.  


He realizes, then. He cannot help the way eyes widen, focusing solely on the man in front of him. _Ibarra._ “Y-you?”

 

“ _Ssh!_ ” More insistent. If Ibarra’s cheeks weren’t so pink, if he didn’t seem so embarrassed, _if he wasn’t so flustered_ , Elias may have fought him about how he just shut his words away.

 

“… _You feel the same?_ ”

“Keep quiet!” Even more, somehow, he turns redder. “Just shut up-!”

 

“But all this time-?”

 

Ibarra finally says something worth understanding. “I… I figured it out somewhere along the way.”

“But… _Maria Clara-_ ”

“-notices too how I’m a wreck without you.” Ibarra shamefacedly scratches at the back of his head. Elias is at a loss for words.

 

“I… just… _what?_ How, even? I-” he gapes at Ibarra, who tries his hardest not to meet his eyes.

“I don’t know, either, you jerk, _stop staring at me!_ ” He complains. When Elias does not avert his gaze, he lunges forward and buries his face into the man’s chest. _Anything. I just don’t want him to look at me like that, with those fucking eyes-_

 

“…I think you owe me more than that,” The taller man says quietly, after a few seconds.

“I don’t know, okay,” the face in his sweatshirt mumbles stubbornly. “It all started back when I tweeted the thing.”

 

“ _That far ago?!_ Oh my God, you fell for me even before I did-”

“Shut up! Don’t say that, _Diyos ko, Elias-”_ The fingers on his hips pinch him, and if he weren’t so pleasantly surprised about this whole ordeal, he would’ve pinched back.

 

“Why not, if it’s true? Unless it’s not…” Fishing. Definite fishing. Now he was just teasing. (But hey, he’s been hurting since the time he realized his feelings. He deserves some admission.)

“It is!” Ibarra admits, much to Elias’ contentment. “Oh my God, please- _just don’t- ugh, shut uppp!_ ” he draws back, and Elias sees the man indeed is red-faced and teary again. The hands grope at him wildly now, with the clear intention to _hurt_ (which they do) _._

 

He doesn’t really watch a lot of anime, but one term echoes in his mind: _tsundere._

 

“A-anyway, it wasn’t the tweet,” Ibarra starts again, glancing at him. “well, maybe it was. I can’t be too certain. But I realized how… how deep my regard for you ran when I even ran away from my _lolo_ because of you…”

Elias really can’t believe anything that’s happening. _It was so surreal._ “You ran away from your lolo because of me?!”

“ _Eliaaaaas!_ ” Ibarra whines once more, hiding his reddening face into the crook of Elias’ neck.

 

He cannot help the laugh he makes. _He was too adorable…_

“I’m sorry, Crisostomo, you can continue.”

 

Ibarra moves his head back to stare at him. Ugh, all these movements… “Huh?”

“What?”

“Huh?”

“… _What?!_ ”

 

Ibarra blinks slowly. “Y-you called me _Crisostomo-_ ”

“I did?” Elias asks dumbly.

“Everything’s changing, oh my God- _Elias-!_ ”

Face plant into Elias’ collarbone. _Nope, not removing myself from this spot any decade soon. No. Nope._

Everything was changing, he said. And it was. But they’ve cleared the dust in the wind, and that’s all that mattered right now. They can wing the rest of it next time.

 _Next time_ was something they had now.

 

“I never tried to do anything-” Ibarra tries to say, wanting to get his profession over and done with. “And it wasn’t like you were gay.”

“Which I may be,” Elias politely counters.

“You’re gay?”

“Slightly. Half is more of where it’s at.”

“ _You- you never told me!_ ”

“Idiot, you never asked!”

 

“Well, you’re the idiot, you didn’t tell me you felt that way-” Ibarra whines childishly, trying to focus somewhere else as if Elias wouldn’t see him then, but their gazes draw back to each other’s somehow.

“How do you expect me to tell you when you’ve been chasing someone else-” Elias counters defensively.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Crisostomo suddenly says, solemnly. He looks down, but raises his head to Elias after a few beats. “But I promise, this time, I’ll make it up to you. I promise. It’ll be _all_ you.” and he wraps his arms around the hunk of flesh against him.

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Elias says into his hair.

 

A few beats.

 

“You’re not going to admit your love for me, _ah_?” Ibarra demands. “That’s hardly fair.”

“You have Sinang to ask about that.”

“I want to hear it come from you!”

 

“Well, the fact alone that I downloaded this,” he starts, fishing for the phone in his pocket, a song playing as he presses something on the screen, “even when I don’t usually listen to music _like this_ , should say something in itself.”

 

_When you smile, everything’s in place…_

 

“You suck!” Ibarra giggles into his chest.

“Well, I’m a sucker for you.” Elias admits, and Ibarra feels his heart warm. “Also, I like the way my guitar and your voice sound together on soundcloud. I felt like that meant something, somehow.”

“Always reading into the little things,” Ibarra chides lightly, smiling.

“And look where that’s gotten us,” Elias answers back.

 

“Who’s to say we have a proper concept of love for this?” Ibarra asks, one last time.

“We’ll make it up as we go along.” Elias says, grinning sheepishly as he wipes away Ibarra’s tear-stained cheeks.

“We’ll just wing it, huh?”

“Hell, I’ll be the best reason for you to learn!” he answers smugly.

 

And somehow, that bluff didn’t seem so far away of a goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MEDYO ANG BANAL NG ENDING HAHAHA WALA MANG KISS O SEX (I have shitty sexytiem stories in my Works anyway, it's all good. c:)
> 
> Pero it is what it is. I didn't really feel like super fluffy or mag-iiyakan sila kasi I think they're too pragmatic to act that way. But da angst tho! Forgive the OOC moments, they're shit. I'll look into changing some parts, though, because I didn't feel like this would be a somewhat appropro ending for a story like this. But it's 2 in the fucking am and I haven't had any decent sleep...
> 
> (Watch out for updates.)
> 
>  
> 
> **EDIT: It has been blessed with the thing called 'revisions'. Appropro na. Also, I may have backpedaled on what I said, because Crisostomo cries a lot here. HAHAHAHA.**
> 
> **EDIT 2: SO APPARENTLY COPY PASTE IS SHIT ONCE U ALREADY HAVE SOMETHING TYPED. I JUST REALIZED THAT WHEN I PASTED VER 2, VER 1 DID NOT DELETE ITSELF DESPITE BEING HIGHLIGHTED. UGH OTL IM SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO MAY HAVE READ IT THAT WAY HOPE U REALIZED THE MISTAKE AND CORRECTED IT IN YA BRAINS TNX**
> 
>  
> 
> Again, please comment (tell me what you think or ask something that's not clear to you!), and thanks a lot for putting up with my gremmer ye kner. =))) 
> 
>  
> 
> Salamat sa suporta, sa paggawa ng cover photo and pag-quote nito sa Twitter (lol yeah I WATCH YOU GUYS), sa dude on Tumblr na nagplug sa'kin in a sense, and just basically everyone?! Even sa kudos and comments and BMs! Thank you thank you thank you!
> 
>  
> 
> (Now it's time to go back to reality of school aw HAHAHA)


End file.
